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December Rehab - I will stop
This is an addiction. So maybe some formality could help. I'm going to share what I do and how I feel no matter how embarrassing or disgraceful I think it is. I'm also going to share parts of my life whenever I feel it could be helpful for comparison purposes. This is cold truth. This is deep honesty. I'm giving myself 30 days to stop. -------*******------- Hi, my name is Angie and I pick at myself. -------*******------- I pick my face mostly, multiple times a day for an average of 20 minutes at a time. I also pick the back of my legs, my back, and my bakini line when I find a spot which usually causes more. I eat what comes out. I sometimes bite my nails. I eat the skin around my nails - hands or feet. I pick and eat scabs. Hey why not throw in that I pick my nose and ears and eat that too. No one knew that until now. Obviously I can't tell people that because it's gross. I've also developed psoriasis on the back of my neck and I scratch that as though I'm digging for my brain and eat the flakes that come off. -------*******------- I have been dealing with this for at least 5 years and am turning 20 on January 7. -------*******------- I have no friends, I don't get out except to go to work as a cashier at a grocery store. I finished a year of university but am switching majors because I couldn't deal with my anxiety levels. Currently I am back in highschool for prerequisites to go to college for architectural technology. -------*******------- I love my mom and brothers...my dad will probably always be mostly out of the picture, though I visit. Unfortunately I don't have a strong enough relationship with them to help me get through this. My boyfriend is holding me together right now but he lives on the other side of the continent. (Me = Ontario / Him = Washington State) -------*******------- Somewhere deep down I know I am pretty, but I usually can't see it past all the red spots. I know I'm smart and fun to be around, respectful and loyal...but I've been closing myself off from the world. I recently discovered that I also have alcoholic tendencies and to sum that up, if I have any alcohol ever again I will lose my boyfriend but more importantly I will lose any respect for myself that I have left. Everyone my age drinks. Life is very difficult right now. -------*******------- I'm going to do my best to stop cold turkey starting midnight tonight (since I'll probably still be up). I'm going to make it harder for myself too. I'm going to wear my hair up in a pony tail every day. This will be very hard because I have 3 big pimples on my forehead that hurt because I picked them so hard the last couple days and I have to face highschool kids and customers at work. -------*******------- I want to be able to work out again. I'm an ex-national gymnast but I've been too ashamed about my face to go to the gym and my body is screaming at me. -------*******------- I will answer any questions and will be writing about how I'm doing every day I have access to a computer. That's all for now.
In reply to DAY ONE is a SUCCESS!! woooo by Ang-eh
In reply to Good for you! Just take it by hope