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I can't stop picking I have been doing this since I was about 4 years old !


March 31, 2008

I have been doing this scince 4 as well. lease read my new post. "Writing is the only thing, that when do it, I don't feel I should be doing something else."

May 08, 2008

I've got you beat 39. I'm 48 and have been picking since I was about 12. That 3/4 of my life. I can't honestly remember feeling normal. Perhaps I never was. I pick everything. I've called myself a face-picker but there is so much more to it than that. I pick my face, not only with my fingers and fingernails, but with metal objects such as tweezers and something called a comedone extractor. I dig holes in my face trying to get out something that I feel does not belong there. The pain is so extreme, yet I catch myself holding my breath and then releasing a huge audible sigh of relief when I see something emerge from the sick hole that I, myself created. I have pulled eyelashes. I have pulled mustache hairs, beard hairs, cheek hairs, you name it. I have plucked my eyebrows out so many times that I hardly have any hair growing on either browline at all. I bite the inside of my cheeks and the skin off my lips as well, sometimes causing them to bleed. I pull hair from the hairline of my forehead and pick my scalp also. I have picked blemishes on my chest, arms, legs and shoulders. I have pulled out underarm hair, as well as nipple hair, pubic hair and leg hair. I pick my cuticles terribly until they bleed or are very sore. As a matter of fact, I almost always have no cuticles, only inflamation around every fingernail. I have been known to pick the skin off the bottom of my feet. In times of very deep despair I have asked God to ake away my hands so that I could no longer pick, or my eyes, so that I could no longer see myself in the mirror. But, then I have thoughts like, well, if I just lost my eyes, I would still use my hands to pick. Or, if I had no hands, but still had eyes, then I would be forced to see every physical self imperfection and not be able to pick. That too, would be sheer torment. I cannot ever remember a day when I did not pick my face at least several times, and a picking session can last hours.This is a severe disruption in my daily life and the lives of those around me. I have been on SSRI's since the year 2000 and am on my third therapist i almost eight years, and I am still plagued. I would like more than anything in the world to see light at the end of this tunnel.