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Mamatothree , 23 Mar 2010

Worried sick about my daughter

Hi everyone - I finally feel like my prayers are being answered by finding this site and I am so thankful. First some background - my daughter is 12 and picks - and now chews - her skin. She has a history of sexual abuse and most people feel this is where her picking stems from. I agree, for the most part, but I am at my wits end and I just don't know what to do. I am worried sick. Therapy - sure, but can they really help her? She has been to therapy in the past and both counselors said she is fine and we agreed to discontinue services. She was put on meds, but she used the meds as an excuse for everything. Even things that the meds couldn't possibly be responsible for. She picks at intervals - she will go for months without doing it, then boom - I find sores all over her hands. Seven last week, the first episode in a long time. I randomly ask her to show me her arms, legs, belly, just to make sure she isn't hurting herself. Tonight, she was extremely frustrated with her young sister and when she came to me after her shower, she sort of put her hand over her mouth when talking to me. I did a double take and saw that she completly chewed off the tips of two fingers and every other finger is gnawed and picked around the nail. I know she wanted me to see, the way she held her hands in front of her mouth. She said she did it because she was annoyed. I tried to reason with her and told her that if I hurt myself every time I was annoyed, I would be dead by now! I know I shouldn't have said that and I feel like kicking myself in the butt for saying that, but I am so frantic that she is really going to hurt herself, I just lost it for a minute. Please everyone, tell me she won't end up really hurting herself. Should I take her to the hospital? Put her back on medication? I pray for help and I found this site....please give me some advice. Thanks.
6 Answers
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wildflower
March 23, 2010
gosh, i feel your anguish! i truly think that she needs professional intervention and you need support with dealing with it too. i believe that unless this is nipped in the bud it will be with her for many years. she needs to learn the seriousness of it but she is so young so it is very difficult to get this message received. i hope that together with your obvious love and concern for her that both of you find the appropriate providers of the assistance that is necessary.
wildflower
March 23, 2010
i found this site and thought it might be helpful for you and anyone wishing to help a child with any bad habit ... www.more4kids.info/610/breaking-kids-of-bad-habits/ ... best wishes to you!
jackassmel84
March 23, 2010
She sounds pretty similar to how i was at her age. I have been chewing off the skin around my fingers since i was about 5, and still do 20 years later. I can't explain it, and i don't know why or how it ever gotted started. I can tell you though, that i never did it to upset my parents or rub it in their face. My mother and father would always harp on me to stop. "Want to go to a therapist? Can't you just stop? Just wear gloves all the time." I know now that they were just very confused and scared about what i was doing to myself. But the more they nagged, the worse it got, because i became more concious of myself doing it. Stress adds to the chewing, so you dont want to stress her out too much about it. If it gets to the point where it is bleeding though, you HAVE to take more drastic measures, because you dont want open sores to get infected. I have found that when i wear tight cotton gloves (often found at gardening shops or even bath &body shops) that they help, and i can still use my hands w/ out getting frustrated and ripping them off, because they are so tight and thin in material. Her age is also why she gets to annoyed and short tempered. I was always very deffensive when my parents brought up my problem, because it made me feel weak and ugly when they brought up the subject. And puberty and being a teenager doesn't help!!! I'm glad you found this site, and find it useful. It's a good tool for both the victims and the parents/family memebers, so we can all better understand the condition.
jacquie
March 24, 2010
hi mama, im a 19 year old girl, and i was about your daughters age when i started seeing a dr. for depression, and thats also when they put me on meds. at that time, we didnt address my picking although i had been doing it since i was a child. i have responded to a couple other posts by concerned mothers as well, but i must tell you that the therapist who told you nothing was wrong- was wrong. i wish i had been able to stop when i was younger because now im old enough to realize what im doing, be embarassed and want to stop and its really difficult. the longer she goes the harder it will be to stop. i know its really hard to get a young teen like her to open up, i just got frustrated by it when i was her age, but its raelly important to show her love and support and try to get her to realize how intense her poblem is. maybe have her look at this site and see all the troubled adults, and even kids her age on here who have her problem. it might seem heavy but thats the nature of skin picking. bless you for trying to find a solution early, i wish my parents had done the same for me. and best of luck as you try to help your daughter recover from this disease.
jacquie
March 24, 2010
and i forgot to mention that i have tried a several different meds and weaned myself off all of them because they dont help with the ocd symtoms. i think starting chemically altering drugs at that young age may have done more damage than good because starting and giving up on them cannot be good for my brains natural balance as i was still developing. and now at 19 i realize that i want to be emancipated from drugs. i am too young to live a life dependent on prescription pills. its a life long comittment im not ready to make. id rather committ to therapy and trying to grow healthy from the inside without relying on some chemical pill to ease the symptoms. thats just me, she may not be mature and willing enough to make that choice yet. but its something to consider since your daughter is so young and i have been through, and am still coping with her struggle. i wish you the best luck in finding a good therapist and making headway with your daughter.
Mamatothree
March 26, 2010
Thanks for all your replies....they have helped me and my husband understand the urge and how to help her so much better. I am sorry you guys suffer from this, but for her, just knowing there are other people out there, that she isn't alone and there really isn't anything wrong with her, made her feel so relieved. Thanks again and I pray you find peace.

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