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mizzleclizzle , 29 Mar 2010

I Have Diagnosed Myself - My First Entry.

i have found this site as hope to an end. im etremely aware of my condition. i have never been to a therapist or a doctor and i have never been diagnosed with a skin picking disorder, until now. i have diagonosed myself. i first realized my condition around the end of my sophomore year in high school ( it might have been the beginning of my junior year things have become sort of distorted.) i can look back on the last 3 years of my life and see the picture of what has become of my skin. i thinks its fairly mild or its not as worse as it could be or its not as bad as others but i know now that i cannot stop. not without help. im fairly self motivated and ive tried several things to stop but i crack and relapse every time. . i don't understand this though. i cant understand why i cannot stop if i recognize what im doing! this has brought to my attention the need for an external force working and helping me to stop. no one knows about my problem, or if they do they have chosen to say nothing about it. im not one of those people to ask for help i think. i feel like ive waited and wished for my mother to ask about it and shes asked about the sores on my skin and she knows i pick but i don't think she realizes how bad. i think she thinks its just some teenage thing. i want her to know because then id know that everything would be alright. i would be relaxed for about a day, it would be a reprieve. But my mother suffers from depression and anxiety. i don't want to believe that this condition, this OCD is genetics, because then it would be a lot harder to stop if i knew that it was engraved in my DNA, it would feel like my condition is unfix-able, and i refuse to believe that. ive thought a lot about whats happening and what might have caused this, i think i have the answer. maybe im dying to tell someone my story and maybe that could be the missing link to my recovery as a person again, but im not sure. i want to write forever and on and on and on. . but i will try to take this one day at a time from now on. i hope to kick this habit and mental state of mind. i can do anything. and i have been extremely inspired by this forum and website. i feel comfortable knowing that i can tell others who are going through the same thing how i feel and what i do. i know they will understand and not judge. your are my hope. i will be back to continue my future.
4 Answers
March 29, 2010
Hi mizzleclizzle. I've self-diagnosed too, and I must admit that I don't know a huge amount about it, but if it helps, I'm here, and I'm rooting for you. Have you had any thoughts on how to stop?
March 29, 2010
I looked in the mirror today and I look like I have chicken pox from picking so bad. I am 29 years old and believe I started really picking 5 years ago. I will use tweezers, needles, and will dig with my finger nails untill they bleed. Then once they scab I will pick for weeks and weeks until I have a huge scar. Now I started picking my pores on my chest! THere is nothing there but I make them and I now have a open scab that I keep picking on my freaking boob, that is about the size of a pea. I see redness around it so I squeeze until the pus is out and it bleeds. I will pick my husbands back too. I can't stop and I need to so bad. I don't know why I have been so bad. There will be nothing on my face at all, or I will get a zit and then I will squeeze and if it doesn't come I will make it. Then I wil pick and pick. I feel hopeless because I do it so often. I pick at my head too. I will sit in the Mirror for and hour picking, or recently I started tweezing. Now I will pull out my little fine hairs on my face, and then pull the hairs from my bikini line, armpits and anywhere else. I just feel so lost with this. THere are a lot of people on another forum on here taking about this problem, and now I am going to repost this. Some people were saying they get their nails done because they can't pick with those thick nails, and others are saying to use dry soaps, or to only allow one sqeeze and if it doesn't come, don't touch it again. I don't know what to do.
March 30, 2010

In reply to by Mel

For me, it is easier to not pick at all than to squeeze something once and not get it out. That drives me NUTS. I find when I allow myself "just this one" it is never just one. My fingers stray and then 5 minutes later I also look like I have chicken pocks or something strange. We have an addiction to picking. I can't allow myself "just one" because it never ever is just one.
March 30, 2010
it does sound like you have a good understanding of your CPD and i believe you do have what it takes to beat it. you sound strong. you have found this place which is a wealth of information and hopefully you'll receive the support that will help you on your quest. one day at a time is a good approach. read the posts here for tactical suggestions and healthful recommendations. remember, though, we are your supporters, you are your hope: your strength, resolve, and committed effort to a sound plan will prove to lead to your success. power to you <3 <3 <3

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