Online Test

Find out the severity of your symptoms with this free online test

allovertheplace , 29 Mar 2010

Boyfriend, Makeup, Breakdown

So I had a break-down today, caused by quite a few things. Yesterday a friend was visiting me and we were planning to go out. So, I went to the bathroom to do a touch up on my makeup which instead turned into a little poking and picking of course, but not too bad, but then immediately I started covering the open wounds with covergirl. Meanwhile my friend went downstairs and sat on the couch with my parents and I heard them talking. My step-mom asked where I was and she said I was getting ready. My step mom said, oh yes, she's getting beautified and my friend said, yeah she takes a while and my parents agreed. It bothered me. In fact, my friend went on to say that while I was visiting her house, her boy-friend would get impatient with how long I took. This really got to me, because I know the reason I'm taking so long is because everyday is a struggle for me when I have to face the mirror and foundation can take up to thirty minutes alone sometimes. But they don't know this, they just don't know. I also have been sleeping over at my boyfriend's apartment....which means I go to bed often without washing my face. He's never seen me without makeup. In the morning his room gets really bright from the sun and when I wake up I'm instantly self-conscious knowing the sun is illuminating my scars from yesterday's smeared makeup. I get out of bed as quickly as possible and go to the bathroom to wash my face and re-apply my mask. When I come back into the room he usually asks if I fell in or something and I'm pretty good with making some kind of joke that makes him forget how long I took in the bathroom. But this morning we were cuddling and he said I looked really beautiful without makeup. I just stared at him, confused, knowing he had never seen me without make up on. He said he saw me once without make up when I got out of the shower. I knew what he was referring to, but he was wrong, that day when I got out of the shower, I put on more make-up ad went into his room. It probably just looked really natural that day or something. But after he told me this I got out of bed and sat on a chair in his room and looked at him and said, when I was thirteen I developed chronic picking disorder. I picked at my face so bad that it bled to the point that there was no blood left, just clear liquid. He was surprised and asked if I still picked. I said sometimes, but its not as bad. Its not as bad now, but by sleeping over at his house, my skin is getting more and more clogged. Since I wear makeup every day, night is my skin's only chance to heal. We didn't talk about it anymore, I left to go back to my house where I ended up picking and trying to put more make up on to cover my red, puffy face. I was suppose to go pick up a friend for lunch, but when I got into the car and looked in the mirror, I bursted into tears. The makep looked horrible and my face felt so heavy with all that shit on it. As I cried, the area around my eyes had an extreme color difference compared to the rest of my face. I felt like I was wearing a geisha mask. I sat in the drive way sobbing for a while and then went back in to see my step-mom. She asked me tons of questions as to what was triggering this. I don't understand anymore, but now I'm just so pissed. I want to be done with this, and I hate makeup. So I went upstairs, washed my face and picked up my friend and I had lunch with my real face. It felt so much better. I want to stop wearing makeup, but work would just be so embarassing. I don't think I can handle not wearing makeup at work, my boyfriend also works with me. I told my boyfried we're going for a walk tomorrow and I'm going to explain to him that I need the nightime to heal and that I can't spend the night with him anymore. I'm going to miss walking up to him, but I need to get healthy again. But I don't even know if he'll want to be with me anymore, because I'm gonna tell him that I don't look the way he thinks I look. That I have scars, and sores, that it's not a pretty sight, and I can't handle him seeing me as I am. I don't know what's going to happen. What have you guys had to deal with when it comes to relationships?
21 Answers
March 29, 2010
about your story .... been there!! .... about your question about relationships .... my first husband got used to my bandages. in between my first and second marriage, my boyfriends got used to my bandages after i explained they were necessary as better healing took place with them on. and my now husband, who of course was a boyfriend first, got used to my bandages and has never given me a hard time about wearing them understanding the need for them and in fact agreeing with that. yes, i've worn my bandages whilst lovemaking and it didn't seem to matter to him but the lights were usually either dim or off of course!! but not always, really but the bottom line is, sleeping with makeup on is the biggest no no - after picking, that is. that might be where to begin with addressing your picking issues. begin with a quest to heal up your sores. make sure none have infections. wash properly (i have another topic on that). use honey for an antibacterial face mask and leave it on for about 20 minutes. after rinsing that off and without succumbing to the temptation to pick, bandage up every open sore for the night healing process. if you can stay home by yourself the following day (or with understanding supporters) keep the bandages on all day and all night again for a really good healing time. after bandaging, sores often heal up so well that applying makeup on them is easier and quicker (unless you pick first !! - another no no as you must already know). and after two nights and a day of bandaging you'll be amazed at the healing that is possible. do check out some of my other posts for what has helped me, though. maybe you'll find inspiration to begin a new regimen of your own. my skin is healing well now and i haven't been picking because it is doing well. now i lovingly rub my skin that itches and longs to be scratched but i don't succumb and the rubbing is soothing. my hubby is very proud of my efforts! and another thing about relationships, if they're not understanding of your real issues, they're not that into the real you.
March 30, 2010
Poor you! The thing I find with picking, though, is that it looks worse to you than it does to anyone else. To anyone else, it rarely looks worse than a bad spot, and acne isn't something people discuss. Also, when people talk to you, they focus on your eyes and your lips, as these are crucial for reading your expression. Not only does it probably not look as bad as it seems to you, but it is possible to disguise picked sores with lighter make-up. It sounds to me like a big issue for you is that you don't want to feel you have to layer on a huge amount of make-up. I work with kids, and have to get them up really early for school, so I put on a good moisturiser and some powdered mineral foundation, and it is enough to make my skin look more even without clogging it up too much, I mean, it doesn't completely hide sores, but it helps, and makes me feel a lot better! Maybe you could try something like that?
April 04, 2010
aww i know how that goes. i pick at my face too. and dont get me wrong i have to wear makeup, but i have found that i look better with no maeup than with cakey messy slept on makeup. especially in the morning. when i started staying at my boyfriends house alot i would always go to bed with my makeup on and wakeup looking like a hot mess in the morning. but if i wash my face before bed i wake up more beautiful! not to mention theres not all that crap on my skin clogging my pores and leading to more stuff to pick at. boys like seeing us without all that crap on, and if you wash your face and go to bed makeup free it benefits you in the long run.
April 04, 2010

In reply to by jacquie

so true !! ... your body heals itself most during the sleep cycle. your sores should be clean at the very least. bandaged is better yet. and someone who truly cares about you will not mind the bandage(s). they will want to see a healed you. little round bandages are fairly inconspicuous and extremely effective.
April 04, 2010

In reply to by wildflower

Yeah, everything you guys are saying is so true. I think I'm on like day 7 with no makeup now. I still think I look quite terrible when I look in the mirror, but i'm getting better at not focusing on the sores. And by not wearing makeup, I haven't been picking at all, knowing I don't have anything to cover it up with. I actually bagged up all of my makeup and gave it to my parents to dispose of just in case i got desperate, and went looking for it. But i'm happy to say that hasnt been the case. My boyfriend didn't even notice that I wasn't wearing makeup at first. I thought it would be the first thing he'd see and freak out. He actually looked at me a couple of hours later and told me how good I looked. I told him I was gonna stop wearing makeup and he got really excited. Its so much easier to sleep over at his house now, being able to wash up and be makeup free. Its nice being makeup free period. My face can fiinally feel the sun without a mask. It feels amazing and in time, I think my skin will look amazing as well.
April 04, 2010

In reply to by allovertheplace

day 7 ?? !!! that's fabulous. power to you! it's great that your boyfriend is being supportive of you. i hope that most of all, you are proud of yourself. if you are not picking anymore, your skin will only keep improving and improving, you'll see. keep posting progress reports. <3 <3 <3
April 04, 2010
It's hard when it comes to relationships of all kinds. I'm not even sure my dad really knows I pick cuz I only pick my lips and skin around my fingernails, and I don't do it aorund him. My mom knows and I have even seen her pick/bite her lips she said she has from time to time but its not like the way I do. My bestfriend knows I do it and my boyfriend... that's about it. My boyfriend doesn't know how bad it is he is really understanding to my anxiety issues though and when he see me picking at my fingers (I dont pick my lips around him) he grabs my hand. I know it worries him... He thinks im figity cuz I'm moving my hands alot (picking) ex boyfriend however seemed really good at ignoring it but he used to bite his lips too from time to time LOL... I am usually pretty good at not doing it in public unless its a quick innocent pick cuz there is a piece of skin really annoying me. WEIRD TIP: It helped me alot altho its costly when I had fake nails!... makes it hard to get at skin!! Seriously thinking of getting them again soon and keep at it.
April 13, 2010
you are not alone, i do the exact same thing when i have a boyfriend! sleeping in makeup is not fun but i'm too ashamed to let anyone see the real me. i think it was really brave of you to tell him about your problem, and it's so great that he's been so accepting and supportive! sounds like a keeper. :)
April 13, 2010

In reply to by anniem

you are aware, though, that sleeping with makeup on is about the worst thing you can do for your skin? if a guy doesn't like the real you, undoubtedly he is not worth it.
April 14, 2010
Your post really touched me. It was like I was writing it myself. I was having flashbacks to mornings with my ex boyfriend. The sun streaming through the window, running to the bathroom, his commenting on how long I took. All of it. I also used to wear makeup to bed . Over the few months we semi-lived together my face freaked out. It was awful! I've had the exact same breakdown too! Many times. Part of it was that I hated feeling like such a big part of myself was hidden from him. Or, I shouldnt say self because our disorder is not us, but it is a big part of our lives. I had a hard time because often I was upset about picking(stuck in shame, guilt, angry after a bad episode etc), but I couldnt tell him. So he would know something was wrong, and probably thought it was something to do with us, but I wasnt talking. In fact Im pretty sure he knew what was up. I dont think we fool our loved ones as well as we think haha. So that was another relationship issue, me knowing he knew. Let me just say you are so brave for telling him. I think its the most healthy choice.You should be proud of yourself. You are facing your problems and being honest. The right people, and the right boyfriend will support you. Maybe you can get to a place where you can be around him at night without makeup. Hang in there! I have been there! One thing my friend said to me during a breakdown about my skin once was " i know you dont believe this, but one day things will be better". i try to believe it. Anyway good for you for trying to heal and take care of yourself. I wish you the BEST luck!
April 18, 2010
I was worried my boyfriend would break up with me if he found out about my obssesive picking of my face. Instead when I told him to come over and see me with out makeup he told me I was absolutely beautiful, the most gorgeous girl he has ever seen. Yet I was crying because I thought I looked so horrible. He also told me that he knew I was doing this all along because he could see I was covering something with makeup. He is now trying to help me stop picking. I'm so glad to have his support. You should tell your boyfriend the truth. If he is ment to be your boyfriend he will still love and accept you the way you are. Do not stop sleeping with him, which you enjoy, to "help heal your skin". It will not work for your skin or your relationship. Just stop wearing makeup to bed when you sleep with him. He should and will still love you and find you beautiful.
August 10, 2012

In reply to by timeforchange

I've gone thru the same thing and timeforchange is correct. my boyfriend has seen me without makeup, by either coming over wayyyyy too early or when we shower together or something lol. but yeah he tells me im pretty without makeup and he hates when it gets on his clothes, so it makes me feel alot less pressure to get all caked up to see him... I still wear makeup though lol but I dont have the fear anymore that if he saw my real face he would immediatley dump me. Trust me im sure your bf wont mind! he loves you for you.. plus guys dont like that whole caked on snooki look for some reason... i dont know why bc i do!!! :)
August 04, 2012
I was heartbroken that my husband moved in with another woman so I had a spell to bring him back home and stop the affair he had with her. In just 2days he left her and went to live at the motel. He called to say so and get news of the kids. The discussion was pleasant, as if he was changing to become the man I knew when we got married. It was exactly as you said…. Now he’s back home and is absolutely crazy about me. I am so thrilled by this spell that I cant find the right words to say how I feel right now. All I can decently say is that you changed my life and saved the most important thing in my life: my family, way to contact my savior is
August 04, 2012
when i first met my boyfriend, my face picking wasnt bad at all. i picked at other places on my body that i would only let him see in the dark. he didnt know i was a picker, i made up silly excuses.. but at that point i think he saw me a few times with very little makeup. a little over a year ago, i started picking on my face so bad. it was covered in wounds and scabs and excoriated acne from the picking. literally every part of my face was raw, bright red, and scabby. it always hurt so bad. i caked on so much makeup. i seriously had to buy new makeup every 2 weeks, and it looked absolutely terrible. i knew my makeup looked so bad but there was no way in hell i was gonna go out without it because my real face looked like a monster (as well as my made-up face..the makeup was just a security blanket for me). i would always cancel plans with my boyfriend because of a horrible picking epoisode or because i was just so depressed and didnt want to be seen. we had a big fight about it one night, and i broke down. i told him all about my picking and my ocd, the way that i make such a bloody gruesome mess of my face.. i told him that when i get done with a picking session the bathroom looks like the scene in x-men 2, where the little boy is a mutant and he doesnt want his dad to know so he tries to saw off his wings... and that i wanted to show him my real face but i was way too afraid to. because i was scared that he couldnt love me if he saw me. one night he slept over, he told me he wanted to see and even though it scared the crap out of me, i knew it would be a relief to show him. so i took a shower, took off all my makeup, and started crying because i was about to do the most frightening thing i ever have. he was sitting on the couch and i walked out to him without any clothes or makeup, with wet tied back hair.. the simplest purest version of me, and i thought i was going to die. i was crying so hard, just standing there. he looked at me for a while and then he grabbed me and hugged me and held me and told me that i was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. after i calmed down we started talking about it. he told me the damage was a lot worse than he expected, and that it scared him to know that i could do that to myself but that he wanted to help me get through it and he has. now, we have been together for nearly 2 and a half years and live together. he sees my makeup free face every night and every morning, and even though my picking has drastically improved.. im no where near comfortable with my skin. my mom doesnt even see me without makeup. with him, though, im safe no matter what.
August 17, 2012
I hope all is going well with you and your picking!! I just read your post and I just wanted to say how completely brave you are for telling your boyfriend about your picking, that takes a lot of guts because I know how vulnerable you must be feeling. It's hard for me to talk about this with anyone, the only people who know are my mom, dad, and brother, and that's only because I live with them so they catch on to the habits I have and how bad my skin looks with no makeup. Are you still with your boyfriend? Have you learned to stay the night with him w/out makeup and wakeup in the morning without rushing to the bathroom to put on makeup? I have always done the same whenever I sleep overnight at a boy's house, I literally set my cell alarm early so that I can hurry and touch up my makeup in the bathroom so they don't roll over and see a zombie girl lying next to them! (That's how bad I feel my skin sometimes looks :/). Also, I wanted to give you a tip- incase you are having a particularly bad skin day and you feel self conscious about sleeping at your bf's sans makeup, a good thing to do is wear a face mask on your spots overnight. An acne-treatment mask is the best option, I use the proactiv refining mask and it works wonders. Just dab it on your spots or scabs or acne before you go to bed and in the morning wash it off & you will definitely notice a change in redness & inflammation. Also, having a bunch of white dots on your face instead of red sores will make you feel waay less insecure when waking up to your bf in the morning, right?! And no harm done to your skin :)
September 27, 2012
If you are curious about doing a love spell or have some doubts as to if these spells are safe and wise to do, my only advice to you is to take the time to contact on what it is that you want, and i strongly believe that he can also work things out for you as he did for me in restoring my home and making my home happier than it was before..................ELIZABETH
October 03, 2012
When I first started dating my boyfriend back in college (5 years ago and now we are engaged) I was verrry self conscious of picking my back. I had tons of hyperpigmentation and red marks. I NEVER wore tank tops and would literally cringe when he touched my back. I finally came clean to him about my skin picking and he was extremely supportive. He researched it on his own and know has a pretty good understanding of the issue. It helps to have someone to "report" to, whether it's a therapist, boyfriend or family makes your more accountable for your actions.
October 06, 2012

In reply to by mschafer87

This is great news ! I just posted a topic in the forum about this before I read this thread! I want to talk to my boyfriend about my picking because I know it important that I am honest about my flaws and show that I trust him to help me overcome this problem. Have you found that talking to your boyfriend and having his support has helped you to minimize your picking? How did you "Come clean"? How did you bring it up with him? I know that since I don't talk to my boyfriend about my picking, its easier for me to do it in private and pretend like he doesn't see the marks when we are together. My feeling is that if we talked about it, it would be "out there" and therefore my marks, redness etc, could not be ignored and I would do it less. It is sooo scary to think about talking about it.!!!!. I cant imagine.. But he loves me and would never judge...

Start your journey with SkinPick

Take control of your life and find freedom from skin picking through professional therapy and evidence-based behavioral techniques.

Start Now