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bel , 22 Apr 2008

Glad I'm not alone

I have been picking at my face since I was 14 years old, that makes it 20 years now. Every tiny pimple, blackhead etc I'll squeeze and pick and pick not stopping till I've removed it even if it leaves me with a big bloody and sore hole in my face. So glad I've finally found somewhere where I can relate to other people about it, it ruined my teenage years and has ruled my life since. When I was younger I thought I was a freak and the only person in the world to do it, couldn't understand why I kept doing it again and again making myself so miserable. I have been OCD as long as I can remeber had lots of different anxiety relieving rituals but picking my face has caused the most stress because it's something you just can't hide. I became almost a recluse in my twenties hiding from friends and family, still don't like making new friendships can't deal with the added stress incase I make arrangements then have to break them if I have a bad skin picking day and end up looking hideous. I'm taking Prozac at the moment and take antibiotics daily for rosacea, don't know if I've developed rosacea because of all the picking, washing and different creams I used in vain to help heal the mess I've made of my face. It's something that's so hard to deal with, like it's out of your own control and because of the relief felt while doing it like a numb kind of trance. I don't think it's something I will ever be able to control but by sharing thoughts and ideas on how to avoid getting into the situation I want to finally stop feeling ruled by it. Don't think anyone who hasn't experienced it could possibly understand how soul destroying it is.
2 Answers
April 29, 2008
You aren't alone and I share your pain. Over and over again, I continue to pick my skin and make it look terrible. I too have spent a small fortune on face care products all trying to cover up and fix what I had created. But I know that what I need to do is fix the underlying problem whatever that is. This problem has helped to destroy a wonderful relationship with a guy and also my social life. I am only confident to go out in public if I'm having a good day. I want to stop so bad, but I constantly find myself looking in the mirror and saying to myself, "Just one and then I'll quit." Yeah right an hour later I'm still in front of the mirror. I have often wondered how many days of my life that the hours of picking would add up to. Life is too short to be wasting it in front of the mirror in a trance. I wonder what my life would be like if I spent those hours doing something productive? Anyways, I have faith we are bigger than this's just figuring out how to control it.
May 28, 2008
You are absolutely not alone. I am right there with you. Like you said, it is so painful is soul destroying. People that don't have this condition simply don't understand. I have wasted so much of my time in front of the mirror and so much money on acne products that aren't worth moot. I am so frustrated. I hate this so much. You can do this. I believe in you. I wish you the best of luck! -Sara

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