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keira , 16 Jan 2009

this time it will be different

was it a relief to read that this is a condition that other people have too or was it a reality check for me? picking on my face and pulling with twizzers. awfull isn't it? but why does it feel so hard to resist? cann't explain it to myself, too ashamed to share with others, too proud to admit i am really really struggling with it. i am self distructive - of course. i was addicted to drugs, food, and i recovered 6 years ago through a 12-step program that supports me and has given me so much. what's up with this skin thing? i even quit cigarettes 4 months ago. but picking goes on and off for years. i am 30 now and i remember doing it since i was 14. i go to the mirror and i say to myself "just that little one" and then i can stay there for hours harming my face allover. i see a pipmle and i know that it is a bad idea. but i think "maybe this time it will be different" well it never is. once again it was the wrong choice to pick. and then the viscious cycle of picking. and everything else around me is ruined. i am not in a mood for anything. i want to turn back time and not do it but it is not possible, and then in a crisis of honesty i think - even if i could turn back time, would i be able to say no and just leave? probably not. i am a beatiful girl but i feel so ugly when i do this. i go into this situation of self pitty once i observe my skin. i look at photos when i was 12 and think what my face would look like if i hadn't harmed it sll of these years. i am intelligent and smart but i feel so, so stupid when i do this. i am loving and kind hearted but at night when my lovely boyfriend is at bed i have to really make an effort to leave the bathroom mirror and not feel angry at him that he is in the room probably knowing what i am doing... i think to myself maybe i need to go to therapy but then i feel so irritated that "my will power does not work" and i change my mind, i say i will stop it with my own strengths. but again it is not different. i keep doing it. some weeks are terrible. this one has been too much and fed up is an understatement. i decided to share, and just see how it goes with a higher state of awareness. peace and love to everybody keira
3 Answers
January 29, 2009
I have to write to you because I have the exact same problem. This morning, I only had 3 pimples on my face and all I had to do was leave them alone for a few days, and I would have a good complexion. But NO, I just can't leave my face alone. I try to squeeze out the 3 pimples, and fail, of course, making them worse, but because I failed, I need to pursue other 'possible clogged pores.' Well, I am able to squeeze a few different ones that really didn't need to be touched because they were not even noticeable, but now I have new red marks on my face that weren't there before and I have to wear even MORE makeup to cover up this mess. I too am a pretty girl, and when my face is clear (which is hardly ever) I feel so good about myself. WHY do I do this to myself? I ALWAYS make it worse, never better. I've tried everything. I have scars. I always notice how nice other women's complexions are and feel like crap about myself. I feel your pain. You are not alone.
February 26, 2009

In reply to by jb279416

hey sirenchick, i have the same problem, only i can't wear makeup cuz im a dude. Also i have mild acne on my arms and back, cuz im a dude who was gifted with high testosterone levels( thanks dad). So i have the benefit of a plethora of unpopable pimples to waste hours and hours of my time. If u find a way to make urself ignore them let me know

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