Online Test

Find out the severity of your symptoms with this free online test

rubberducke , 01 Aug 2013

I cant stop

It started when I was ten, and I picked really hard at a zit on my chin and thought nothing of it. Then my friend made a comment about how her mom popped her zits every night. I dont know how it happened, but i started doing it, and I thought picking zits was really fun. Eventually, I realized that it was starting to look pretty bad. My face was covered in ugly scabs. But I was stupid and kept doing it. Gradually, I started picking over more of my face, and now I do it all over. I've been trying really hard to stop, but recently I started thinking it was like an addicion. My mom tells me, stop picking, like that'll do the trick. Just now I told her it has a name and it's a real condition, and that I truly can't stop, and she said, "yes you can. Maybe it's hard but you can." The way she said it made it sound like I'm exagerating and I only do it because I want to. But really, it feels like a compulsion, an addiction. I see a mirror, think I won't do it this time, and an hour later my face is red and swollen. Maybe it was fun at first, but now I desperately want to stop. While I'm doing it, I give myself all sorts of reasons I need to stop, But it's like there's someone forcing me to stay and continue. It makes me hate myself. It makes me feel ugly and unworthy. It makes me want to stay in bed and cry all day. But I can't stop and my face is always covered in scabs and I'm starting to get scars. everyone thinks I do it for fun and I can stop whenever I want, and I even used to think that. I have two therapists and I'm on antidepressants, but they don't help, especially when my mom actually gets mad at me for doing it, like it's my fault. I hate doing this and I really want and need to stop, but I can't. Help.
41 Answers
rubberducke
August 01, 2013
Also, it may have started out anxiety based, but I don't think that's it anymore. I also chew the skin around my findernails, so they're ugly and deformed. On my thumb I've chewed all the way to the first joint. This is just as hard to stop as picking my face. I read the article on here about it, and i definitely have a problem. I often chew off layers of my skin until they bleed, and sometimes get infected. It is very painful and leads to a lot of visible damage. I have tried all sorts of things to relieve stress and distract myself, but they don't work. I really want to stop mutilating myself, before it starts to seriously affect me. Sorry I wrote so much, I just needed to vent because I never knew that other people experienced this too. Oh my god. I was looking at the other forms of it, and I have way more issues than I thought. Right now I want to cry and never leave my room. I pick my face, lips, cuticles, and do the acne excoree thing. I know I have severe depression and possibly a few other things..... but oh my god. I feel awful and lonely right now. So, It's not a constant thing. Just, when i see a mirror I get sucked in and can't stop. Thing is, it happens every time I see a mirror. Sometimes I'll be picking off old scabs, then go to a mirror and investigate, and an hour later my face looks like a tomato that was attacked with a potato peeler. Sometimes I go to the bathroom, glance at my face, pick a particlarly giant zit, and of course i pick forever afterwards. Everytime I come out of the bathroom after picking, I feel humiliated and ugly, especially when my mom says, "stop picking! why did you pick?" And I know she doesn't understand.Sorry I wrote so much, I just needed to vent because I never knew that other people experienced this too.
Cheer
August 02, 2013

In reply to by rubberducke

I know what it's like... it's not ugly... it looks massive to us but trust me other people don't see it in the same way as we do. I'm sure you look just fine. Take care and good luck.
rubberducke
August 01, 2013
So for some reason, just writing about it on here and reading other stories is helping me. I feel encouraged. But I'm still picking my fingers. It's a constant nervous habit and I'm always doing it, even when I'm not nervous.
Cheer
August 02, 2013

In reply to by rubberducke

Same here... I pick my fingers all the time, even when I feel nothing at all. I've read that picking can be a coping mechanism against boredom (as well as other more intense feeling emotions) and was sort of a light bulb for me... like I'm aiming for the same level emotional state and the picking helps me to get both up (from boredom) or down (say from anxiety). Gloves and band aides and handcream have been helpful to me to break the habit so far... have you found anything that helps?
rubberducke
August 05, 2013

In reply to by Cheer

I've tried bandaids, and wrapping my fingers in medical tape, but then it's embarrassing when people ask me what's wrong with them. But when I do try that, I pick obsessively at the bandaids until they come off, then continue where I left off on my skin. I haven't tried lotion though..... now I realize that's really smart, because they won't peel and therefore will be harder to pick.
rubberducke
August 01, 2013
One of my friends with bad acne told me once that she started picking a lot too, and I was thrilled. I was actually hoping her face would be as bad as mine, because then I wouldn't be alone. I felt the same way whenever someone else showed signs of picking. Difference is, she and everyone else always stopped. It didn't become an addiction. I felt like a horrible person for wishing this on someone else, but at the same time I didn't want to be alone.
Cheer
August 02, 2013
Give yourself a break (this is what I'm always saying to myself these days)... you're only human. Everyone has different coping mechanisms and this just happens to be yours. I've found it helpful to aim to pick less rather than to stop. When I felt like I had to stop altogether I felt like a failure when I couldn't stop. However, since I've just been aiming to do it less, I have been able to give myself credit for every little success. Every time I'm able to refrain from picking then that is a success. When I do pick I think oh well doesn't matter and try to let it go. It might help if you put some strategies in place to stop picking... this might give you some ideas http://www.trich.org/treatment/SkinPickingStrategies.html. I think the person who wrote this has been working hard to stop for long time. Take care of yourself and looking after yourself. Good luck!!
pickmyskininto…
August 08, 2013

In reply to by Cheer

i couldnt agree with this more. that is also what i do. aim to pick less rather than completely stop because i am able to brush off a few petty picks where the damage isnt bad,&ill feel proud. usually though i will tell myself only get this ONE that is bugging u the most but then i get caught up getting out the rest that arent even necessary and i know will heal by themselves without my wrong doing. thx for including that link for all of us -candace
pickmyskininto…
August 08, 2013

In reply to by Cheer

i couldnt agree with this more. that is also what i do. aim to pick less rather than completely stop because i am able to brush off a few petty picks where the damage isnt bad,&ill feel proud. usually though i will tell myself only get this ONE that is bugging u the most but then i get caught up getting out the rest that arent even necessary and i know will heal by themselves without my wrong doing. thx for including that link for all of us -candace
rubberducke
August 09, 2013

In reply to by pickmyskininto…

I do the exact same thing. I'll get some huge zit, and I lean in to look closer while telling myself I won't pick. Then I'll do a few blackheads or something and then I can't stop until my entire face is red.
rubberducke
August 05, 2013
I just remembered why I started picking my fingers. When I was little, every few months I would chew the skin right next to the quick of my fingernails. Then I would forget about it for a long time. But one day about two years ago, I did that and then did it again like a few days later because I liked it. I started doing it more often until it got where it is today-- my fingers are bloody and deformed and gross, and my thumb is picked to the first joint. Also when I was little, I chewed my nails all the time, but stopped. Last year I started doing that again, and my skin picking was probably worst then. My nails were chewed waaaay too short, and I would chew the tips of my fingers until they were missing entire sheets of skin on the pads. It was gross and painful. I finally let my nails grow out again, and my fingers may be looking better, but I can't really tell. I also have this scab on my foot, and I keep picking it off over and over, and I get immense pleasure out of making it bleed. I know that is gross and unnatural, but all of these things are so comforting for some reason.
rubberducke
August 05, 2013
My mom actually gets mad at me for picking. She gives me this look, like I'm doing it just to spite her. It makes me frustrated because she has no idea how hard it is, and now I feel all lonely and it makes me want to pick more.
pickmyskininto…
August 08, 2013

In reply to by rubberducke

YES YES. my mom then becomes depressed with me and i want to pick some more. i live with my grandparents, my mom and my cousin. too many people around me like that has made weird vibes when im going through this. i ask them if they can not look at me as i make my way through out the house until ive healed. theyre getting really upset and it makes me nervous when they judge.. i know theyre worried but still. i just want whoever is around me to accept what ive done and not say a word just let me be on my own til ive healed and im ready to start all over with the hands off policy. i desperately want to KEEP HANDS/TOOLS OFF for good. i dont even want to scan my face for SOMETHING. i always go back to my room and bash myself for what ive done... wishing the days would go by faster to when the scabs are ready to be taken off. people definitely overlook this severe issue.. i feel like im stuck between OCD&addiction. ur not lonely, understand im going through the exact same. i hate finding things on my body. tired of treating the effect, i want to treat the CAUSE -candace
rubberducke
August 08, 2013
Just now I noticed a bunch of blackheads on my arms and shoulders, but I really don't want to pick them. My face looks okay right now since it's been a few days since I last picked, and I really want to stop this time. Even my fingers are doing better, and I noticed I didn't pick them too much the last couple of days.
pickmyskininto…
August 08, 2013
UR MY TWIN! this is the exact situation between my mom and i, same feelings like ur describing, same everything. we need to help each other -candace
rubberducke
August 09, 2013
Yes. So right now I'm avoiding going in the bathroom because this is when I pick the most, and since I haven't picked in four days now I'm really hoping that I won't again. I know it's easier to stop slowly, but if I can go cold turkey then that would be awesome too. So I'm gonna wash my face and go come right back to my room. No picking. Kay guys?
rubberducke
August 10, 2013
Just now I asked my mom if I could get some calamine lotion, and she insisted that it won't work on acne, especially if I keep picking it. Everyone here says it works on scabs though. So I don't know.

Start your journey with SkinPick

Take control of your life and find freedom from skin picking through professional therapy and evidence-based behavioral techniques.

Start Now