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startingfresha… , 19 Aug 2013

first post. last pick. please read

i am a 19 year old female who has let skin picking control and ruin her life for the past two years. i started to get a few large nodule pimples on my face when i was 17. nothing major. just the occassional blind pimple or two. it never really bothered me. im not sure when i started to care about my breakouts, but it was around the time i got a boyfriend and i began to dread going without makeup in front of him. it got to the point where i hated the bumps so much that i would squeeze, pick and scrape them off my face, leaving behind tender wounds that would scab over and take weeks to heal. at first i would pick at these scabs too. it stopped me from going to school. work. socialising. even being around my family was too embarrassing. for the past two years i have spent the majority of time in my bedroom. i never realised my problem until very very recently, as i stumbled onto this website and read through the forum and i aligned so many similarities with other peoples' stories. i know how awful it is, to not be able to pass a mirror and look for something to pick at. often i have found myself staring in a mirror for long periods of time, before stopping and asking myself 'what are you looking for? leave your skin alone' after a pick, i would be so angry with myself. i started to just desperately want to be able to do the simplest of things, go swimming in summer without having to wear makeup, wake up in the morning and not be scared and anxious to see my reflection, not have to worry about what people see of my skin and having to avoid eye contact.. i am about to call my dermatologist and talk about getting off the antibiotics i am on (i have tried erythromycin, minomycin, clindamycin, roaccutance, etc over the course of two years) and give my body a break from drugs. i am going to try topical creams to keep those occasional breakouts away, and i will no longer let my whole life be determined by the state of my skin. today marks a new beginning for me. i realise i am not the only one suffering because of my picking, but the people in my life are too. picking only makes whatever imperfections worse in every aspect. i am done letting this control my life, what i do and feel every day. im vowing to leave my skin alone. and i know i can do it :) i am actually so excited to be back to normal old happy self! this summer i am going to be able to wake up, embrace each day feeling happy and confident and go out into the world looking beautiful and not having to wear makeup! i have realised how blessed i am, i have the most amazing family, wonderful group of friends and the same boyfriend who has witnessed the damage i have done to my skin over the last two years and can look at my after my worst pick and say 'darlin you're gorgeous'. i would be an idiot to keep doing this when it interferes with my ability to be with the special people in my life! ive missed out on enough. i have had enough. i am learning to love myself again. :) i guess i am writing this post to give you guys hope that things can and will get better. because they already have for me. mind over matter :) so, dermatillomania, i am taking my life back. goodbye and good riddance!
18 Answers
cc chi
August 19, 2013
I love your post and want to start fresh too because I have the same problem. So right now this second, I'm going to stop.
startingfresha…
August 21, 2013

In reply to by cc chi

its only been two days since your comment but how are you going? have you been able to not pick since this comment? i have been doing great. im feeling so much better emotionally! although i still find myself looking at my skin, i really no longer have the urge to pick at it! and i finally feel as though if i were to wake up tomorrow with a pimple or blemish that normally i would feel so anxious about and have to squeeze and pick at, id be completely fine with walking away from the mirror and leaving my face alone! i hope you are making progess too!? :)
startingfresha…
August 31, 2013
just an update since my initial post. it has been 12 days (i think) and i havent picked! i am more pleased with the fact that i havent had the urge to pick either! i am able to leave any blemishes alone and not touch them. i finally feel like im getting my life back. i couldnt be happier. theres hope guys. things get better, its just a matter of figuring out what works for you personally because everyone has different triggers etc. just posting because i know a lot of people mention the fact that this forum has very little success stories. xxx
DeterminedToChange
August 31, 2013
I really could use some motivation to not pick. I am so depressed over it. I'm 25 and feel like I've waisted so many years on this problem. I've had serious emotional trauma that made it worse and now I'm ready for it to completely be over and done with. My face itches right now and I want to go pick. I've got to go take a shower so I'm hoping to not pick, wish me luck.
startingfresha…
October 09, 2013

In reply to by DeterminedToChange

im not entirely sure what i can say to help motivate you but i can tell you what works for me.. if i see a pimple or blemish or something that i normally would have not even thought about and picked at straight away, i make sure that i stop and remind myself what the consequences of picking will be. i look at the blemish and think, what can i achieve by touching this? i will be anxious and depressed and mad at myself. i also think of the things that annoy me most when i have broken skin and sores from picking, for example i will think how embarrassed i will feel to see my boyfriend tomorrow and not have make up in front of him, or how i wont want to go to the beach because my make up will wash off and i will have to explain to people what is on my face! im not sure once i recognised i had this disorder i feel as though i have a lot more control over it, and i feel as though i have empowered myself to make the decision not to pick. my desire to be happy and confident is now bigger than my urge to pick. im not sure if that helps but i think thats just what works for me. i know when i have picked i am miserable until the spots heal, so i like to think of the people around me who deserve more from me than a miserable angry person. haha. i do feel when i have a bad day i want to go into the bathroom and attack my skin to relieve stress, but i know how much worse i would feel afterwards so that motivates me to stop. i also focus more on the permanant damage of scarring and how its not worth it to suffer for the rest of my life, i admire the skin that is healthy and just try to not touch it! xx
DeterminedToChange
August 31, 2013
I'm going to use your thought towards it and just say im done with it. Thing is I left my successful job and relationship a few months ago due to all the anxiety and now I want it back so bad. I'm so depressed over this. I've been doing yoga today and other exercises to try and help, plus pass the time. I don't want to be around anybody but I guess that's what I need. I'm so confused
startingfresha…
September 02, 2013

In reply to by DeterminedToChange

i know how that feels! i left my job and barely attended school when i was struggling with picking. it often crossed my mind to leave my relationship because i thought my boyfriend deserved to be with someone who was 'normal' and wasnt anxious and sad and self conscious all the time. until i realised, i could be all that. you can be anyone you want to be. and thats what i keep telling myself, i am in control of whether i pick or not, and i have finally reached the point where my desire to have clear skin and my confidence back, is bigger than my urge to pick. im not sure if that helps but it's what finally worked for me. you deserve to make the most of every day, and live life to the fullest. you're still young and can turn your life around and be the best person you can be, and not let this compulsion consume your life. focus on your relationship with yourself, but dont let this condition hold you back. just take it a day at a time, and learn to love yourself. xxx
startingfresha…
September 08, 2013
i wouldnt say that i caved, i havent picked, just squuezed all the blocked pores i had laying under the skin for the longest time that wouldnt go away on their own! haha,now i wont touch my face and let my skin continue to heal. i havent broken the skin and created scabs (Thank goodness) but i do have a little redness around the areas i squeezed. which is a big improvement from what i would normally do when i touch my face. seeing my dermatologist in three days to find skin care products to keep those annoying breakouts under control; then i wont have to touch my skin at all! still on the road to recovery, once the redness goes away, ill be feeling great! :)
startingfresha…
September 20, 2013
so it has been a month since my first post and i figured why not post an update? i have not picked!!! i have had no wounds or scabs or anything of the sort. i havent been able to resist squeezing the occasional blemish (whiteheads and blackheads) but nothing major! i am so ecstatic! i feel so much happier and confident. when i am infront of the mirror i still find myself examining my skin in great detail but i have been able to leave my skin alone for the most part, which i am ecstatic about. its such a good feeling to see my scars slowly fade and know that i wont be creating anymore damage! please feel free to join me on my journey! one month without picking, forever to go! x
startingfresha…
September 27, 2013
im going to continue updating because i feel as though success stories will be a reminder that this awful compulsion can be stopped! since my first post i have not picked. its been over a month and i am so unbelievably happy about it. i have experienced a few breakouts where ordinarily i would pick and squeeze and scratch off my skin, but for the first time in years i am able to leave my skin alone. its so great! i am using a new cleanser which seems to be doing wonders for my skin as well, so things are pretty good all round. hope everyone else is working towards being able to stop picking too!
hopestartshere
October 01, 2013
Very inspirational post indeed! I am desperate to stop picking. I'm 31 and have been doing this on and off since I was 17 (only being "off" picking when there was zero blemishes to pick it when I was in a certain contraceptive pill, which I'm no longer on) May I ask.. How have you stopped? I know that might sound silly but ive vowed to stop so many times and haven't been able to... Has it been the case for you that you've made a decision in your head never ever to pick again? Have you had blemishes you haven't been able to resist? I'm intrigued because I'm desperate to stop so all feedback is gratefully received xxx
startingfresha…
October 09, 2013

In reply to by hopestartshere

that is a long time indeed but its never too late to stop! i know what you mean, if i have no blemishes i wont pick at all so i do go through stages where i have great skin. im not sure how i stopped other than realises what i was doing to myself, my life and the people around me and realising i had to take control of the situation. I have very much just made the decision not to pick. i tell myself its not worth it! one blemish will look better, heal faster, and be less noticeable if i leave it alone! yes of course i dont think anyone is happy to walk around with whiteheads or pimples that are about to burst open haha well im not anyway! i exfoliate my skin gently with warm water and a cleanser, wrap tissue around my index fingers (so that my finger nails or too much pressure wont tear open the skin) and pop any blemish that i feel needs to be popped. i just want to be happy and confident to be around people without makeup and without feeling ugly or like i have to explain whats on my face, and that for me is now stronger than my urge to pick. it really is a mental thing, you really have to positive about it! and believe me, you can do it too! you just need to figure out what triggers you and what will make you feel at peace with yourself so you can love yourself and the skin you have. xx
hopestartshere
October 01, 2013
Hi all, Just checking in because I feel regularly coming on here might help my recovery in feeling less alone with this disorder. As per the advice of another post I put calamine lotion on my scabs last night. After tingling a while it did feel soothed although I struggled to cleanse off the lotion from the scabs this morning. I'm home alone now for the rest of the day, thank goodness (I made up a fib about being ill to get out of a meeting this afternoon because I can't bear to me looked at... It's all these lies and feelings of pure shame that I wish to say goodbye to) I am now pledging abstinence from picking for two hours. Might seem a daft amount of time but think these are the baby steps I need to take. Thanku again for your inspirational post, I hope it ok that I've posted here xxx
startingfresha…
October 18, 2013
so this week was awful. apart from stressful end of semester uni assessments, i was involved in a traumatic experience where my neighbour died after my dad and i both attempted cpr. and i picked. only one pimple on my face, but still thats enough to depress me.. so i have called my GP and am organising to see a counsellor so i can definitely beat this stupid compulsion! i have had enough and dont want stressful times in my life to trigger me becoming my own worst enemy. hope everyone else is doing well xx

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