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mamma , 18 Jun 2009

trying not to be so hard on myself

Hi everybody the wedding was amazing!!!!!! It was like a fairy tale come true : ) the night of the wedding my new husband stayed at the hotel in the honeymoon suite. I did have an episode of picking in the middle of the night. I think maybe it was all the stress built up from the pre-wedding chaos. It was the first episode I had in almost 3 weeks. I picked again last night also. I was very mad at myself at first. I started to cry a little. I told my husband right away. But now I am on a new day and it has been a good day so far. I put neosporin on my arms where I picked pretty much right after I picked and also again this morning. So I am trying not to be so hard on myself.
2 Answers
June 18, 2009
Congratulations on your wedding!! & thank-u for welcoming me to the site a wee while back. I can relate a bit to your experience. I've found myself too, despite getting incredible news, or achieving an amazing goal, back at it (the sp addiction). In my case (well, cases, there has been more than one instance!!), it is almost as if that dark addict self inside me is sabotaging my joy, or I don't feel like I deserve joy or good things, so I #$@! it up. But GOSH DARNNITT WE DO DESERVE ALL THE JOY & HAPPINESS. And you will be a beautiful bride/woman now & forever!! c.a.
June 18, 2009

In reply to by clarity-alas

Yes, Yes! I can relate. That self sabotaging demon must go, yet somehow I identify with that part of me, like I can't distance myself from her. Congrats on your wedding; I am so happy for you and your honest relationship with your hubbie. What a great source of support as you continue your life together. I've just recently brought up my deep dark secret to my husband again (after 10 years!!!) and it was good to air my laundry and know he loves me no matter what. Easing up on ourselves is so key, I think. Sometimes I wonder if I pick just to hurt myself so I can then nurture and focus on healing myself. Like it's a tangible way to demonstrate some much-needed self care? Neosporin is a good idea-- does it help it heal faster? Looking forward to hearing from all of you more!

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