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I've been away from the forum for a while. About a month ago(and its proven to be a big mistake). It used to be I was on here multiple times a day..reading posts, asking quesitons. It was helping a lot. Then I moved and got involved in a new relationship, new job etc. and I relapsed. really badly. Right now it feels impossible to start over again. I had so much hope, I felt like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now I feel so sad and confused and numb. My skin was starting to look really good and now I'm dealing with bad scarring.Its so bad I think some of it might be permanent. which is so painful to face because I felt I was just out of the woods. If my skin heals its going to take a long time and i dont have the patience or any faith left. Today I looked in the mirror and realized I really have disfigured myself. I cant hide it anymore, not even with makeup. It actually scares me to look in the mirror now.How can I come to terms with this? With relapsing, with the damage I've done?The worst part about it all is I met the guy im dating when my skin was really good. Now its a mess and i dont know what to do. (and it seems to have happened practically overnight...after a few bad sessions).I want to be honest, but Im worried he'll freak out if I tell him, or go makeupless. I think I come off as a pretty sane, secure person, so its scary to admit otherwise.Im sure many people on here can relate. How do you deal with the fear of abandonment? I know I need to come clean to the people I'm close with so I can get help, im just terrified. Im burried in shame right now...I've pretty much reached my bottom. I know I'll get through this, I just dont know what the next step needs to be. Therapy? A 12 step group?(which one?). I should go see a dermatologist but Im not sure they can do much if Im still picking. I'll take any advice I can get.