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One Lonely Girl , 18 Nov 2009

Skin picking and dating

I am brand new to this site. I'm about to cry because I thought this only affected me. It's my dirty little secret. I have been picking my skin since I was a child (nearing 40 now). My parents tried everything to help me, but nothing worked. When I was working, I was in therapy and they put my on Prozac because researched found Prozac helped with OCD (I have a OCD problems). I am so ashamed that in all of these years I haven't been able to stop for any long period of time. My skin picking is the #1 reason I have been avoiding dating. I'm afraid to be intimate with a man. I don't want guys asking me why I have so many marks on my body (a guy I was seeing would always ask me), I'm afraid that I would get make-up all over him (I used to wear ALOT of foundation to cover) and I never wanted anyone to ask why I didn't wear a bathing suit or clothes that show off my back or front. It's because I have black marks nearly over every part of my body. Since I'm getting closer to 40, I'm ready to settle down, but I'm afraid to let someone get that close and see the "real" me. Make-up has always been my security mask. I very rarely go out without foundation on. Men say they like the natural look, but if they saw me, I don't think they would like me and not be willing to get to know the person inside. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, but I don't know how to let go of the fear and break out of my self-imposed isolation. How do others deal with dating?
2 Answers
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Beth
November 18, 2009
I used to deal with that by dating guys that were exceptionally needy and "misunderstood". If they were more messed up than me I didn't feel as bad about myself, although I still wore long sleeves and makeup around them. I even ended up in abusive relationships because I didn't realize I deserved to be with someone who was emotionally healthy. Eventually I met someone who was really sweet and understanding, and after we were dating for a couple of years I began to let my guard down and stop covering up all the time. I told him offhandedly that I was a bit compulsive about picking my skin, and he slowly began to realize that it was a problem. Instead of being repulsed, he was actually supportive. Now he tries to help by reminding me to stop if he sees me picking (not that it helps much). I still feel a little embarrassed, but I know that he really loves me no matter how I look. I think the key is to have confidence in all the great things about yourself that are unrelated to your skin, and know that there are guys out there that will see how wonderful you are. If you work on loving and believing in yourself, other people will see that and be naturally drawn to you. It's easier said than done, but something to work towards anyway :)
One Lonely Girl
November 19, 2009
Thank you so much for the reply. It was so courageous of you to be so honest with me. One thing I do know about me is that I wasn't brought up to accept any disrespect from a man. I'd rather be alone than in the types of relationships you had to endure. I'm glad that you finally loved and respected yourself more to make the decision to walk away from these destructive relationships into a loving, healthy one. I hope one day that too find someone as loving and understanding as your mate. I know they are out there, it's just finding him. I am working on letting my guard down, but it's been up so long I really don't know how to let it down and be 100% comfortable in my own skin, but I will try. And knowing there are people out there just like me really will help my in my journey to recovery. Thank you, thank you, thank you and God bless!

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