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wildflower , 04 Jun 2010

100 days !!

100 days ago i got serious about stopping my skin picking. i actually went 48 full days before i picked and since then i have picked a total of 7 times and those times were each picking only one whitehead or such at a time on a day, not a massive picking session. so i am considering my quitting as being a HUGE success !! considering that i would have numerous sores scattered over various locations on my body every day for better than 20 years !! many times i had 60 bandaged sores at one time! so yes, i was a serious picker and i will admit i was delusional in my attitude about it - believing that i HAD to approach it the way i did and to the extent i did and with the tools i did at times and that it NEEDED to be done. i also admit that i was in denial about the irresponsibility of my actions and believing that there must be some medication that would stop my pimples/whiteheads/bumps, etc. and if they wouldn't come i wouldn't pick. i've been on just about every treatment for acne there is. i've been seen by five dermatologists, four family doctors, and to treat my depression, four psychiatrists and one therapist (the latter two specialists dealing only with my depression and not my skin). none of these medical professionals ever advised me with anything more than "you shouldn't pick" or something similar regarding my behaviour. i could not leave my skin alone. if something was there, it had to go. i felt it was the right thing to do. i tried to leave things alone but felt i couldn't control myself. that it was beyond my capability to quit for more than a few hours let alone a day. i was obsessed about taking care of imperfections. at different times it included many different areas but mostly my skin. in the past year i had noticed i wasn't healing very quickly anymore. that concerned me. and then i picked at 6 tiny bumps on my legs which grew large and wouldn't heal for over a month and i got scared. i researched and questioned my sanity and intelligence about it and addressed my denial and delusional thinking. i got real serious. i saw a dr and got some serious antibiotics and steroids to address the mess i'd made of my leg and vowed to rise above this delusional obsessive compulsive disorder. i admitted that the only solution was for me to stop harming myself no matter how hard it would be. i feared losing my leg if not. i feared i was out of control. i didn't want to believe that !! i realized my behaviours could not be rational. i conceded that no medication could possibly make me stop my behaviour short of drugging me stupid such that i couldn't spoonfeed myself. i tried enough meds to know they weren't a match for my delusions and that my delusions were delusions. i have no business performing minor surgery on my body with tweezers or needles or the like. how arrogant i was in my delusions. anyway, that is behind me. i feel i conquered this (at least for the time being !!) i touch my skin differently. i'm gentle, i'm soothing. i'm loving it rather than being at war with it. i'm trying desperately to ignore imperfections and live with them. i'm learning to touch my skin less and less. i eat better. i use minimal products on my skin. i take my vitamins. i still sit on my hands. and i'm thrilled to not sleep covered in bandages anymore every night. i'm proud of myself. now and then i'll run my hand where one would have always been bandaged, and love the feel of my healed skin. my eyebrows are all grown back in. i feel that picking is now in my history !! but most of all, i want to believe that anyone can do this if they get serious enough about it !! i don't think i'm special. i don't think i got smarter in my old age (but maybe that is what it took - but i hope not). i believe i got scared enough to quit - to change my behaviour - to refuse to harm myself anymore. and i don't want anyone else to wait until they're in their 50s to get serious. i don't believe there's anything out there that'll work other than inner will and determination and commitment to make it happen. mind you i am on a low dose of antidepressant now and my thyroid is controlled but that's the extent of my meds now. oops - prescription strength fish oil. did it take me getting old(er) to achieve this? i truly hope not !! i am hoping with all my heart that you young'uns can get serious now, while your skin has so much time ahead to heal and the scars to fade. don't wait for a magic bullet, or a magic therapy, or someone else to help you along. make taking proper care of yourself your highest priority. yes, there are other important and stressful events going on in your life but you are the most important component of it. you have it within yourselves to do it. believe in yourselves. realize what you're doing is wrong and unhealthy and that you alone must stop it. sure, use what crutches you may, but don't depend on them to do the work. it must come from within. i wish the exhilaration i feel for my accomplishments for each of you and believe you can do it !! go for it !!! ♥♥♥
12 Answers
wildflower
June 04, 2010
i should add that in my researching when i got serious, i found this site and felt like so many of you - so happy to find i wasn't alone with this infliction. in that, i found inspiration and strength to attempt to quit with a new resolve. i wasn't sure enough of myself to join the 40 day challenge so i started my own, a one hour or one day at a time challenge. i surprised myself and lasted a week and then i joined the 40 day challenge. gee, maybe i'm at 107 days now !! lol . anyway, this site and the kind words of support i received really helped me along my way. thank you, everyone !! i may not spend as much time here as i did, but i will check in from time to time. remember, i have posted many topics here about stuff that has helped me and what i felt would also help everyone so check those out if you haven't already. all the best to you all !!!!! ♥♥♥
kmj
June 04, 2010

In reply to by wildflower

kmj I'm very happy for you! I hope we NEVER hear from you again (encouraging statement)! Checking and sharing good stuff will never hurt. I admit, I'm not ready for the challenge, yet. But when I am I will think of you! See my reply to My Wish for You-
wildflower
June 19, 2010

In reply to by wildflower

update ... it is now 115 days after i began my challenge ..... i will admit that all's not gone well - that urges still happen and i have picked ... but i've managed to not allow any major sessions to happen ... i manage to stop myself before i go completely overboard .... i get upset with myself for allowing any relapse, but i also forgive myself because i am not perfect ... i praise myself for being able to control myself as well as i do and that is much much much better than i was .... i still need to work hard and harder at meeting my objective to not do harm to my skin .... i realize it will be a constant effort ... it is easy to relapse .... here's hoping the three sores i'm sporting will heal up quickly and i can enjoy completely healed skin with no bandages or makeup required soon .... best wishes and strength to all of you out there trying for the same !!!
wildflower
June 24, 2010

In reply to by wildflower

and now it's 128 days or so ..... and i've had a major setback ... i feel awful ... i guess i let my troubles get the better of me because it's so easy to do so .... it's hard to not pick and so easy to do so .... i'm not scared like i was back then ... fear was a great motivator .... i know i'm strong when i need to be and it's just a matter of determining what that "need" is ... and i am down and low and weak and let that win .... i sure hope i can call this low bottom enough for me to get serious again .... maybe it's the summer heat ... the sun .... oh the excuses .... i just didn't stop myself where i was able to before ... i let myself succumb ... i let myself down .... back to makeup again .... so much for feeling proud of myself ........
Sporadic88
June 29, 2010

In reply to by wildflower

Hey hey hey!!! Don't you dare give up now! You have come so far. You had a setback, you just had a major accomplishment. too.. do not let that fade. That was amazing. You are an inspiration. Read your previous posts.. you love the way it feels to have healed skin. It will heal and you will be proud again. You are the reason why I try so hard with this.. I need you to do this so that I can do it too. Get up and fight! for it I know you have it in you.
wildflower
June 29, 2010

In reply to by Sporadic88

thank you for your support ... you are right ... i must find it within myself again ... i hate open sores ... i hate wearing bandages ...i hate the redness ... i hate wearing makeup ... i hate taking it off and disturbing my sores ..... i've allowed myself to succumb to bad habits and attitudes ... i know that's what it is mostly ... i have gotten weaker and must get stronger and back on the wagon ... i must get serious again ... i know i'm capable of getting there again and i do want to be back there ... all healed up .... it felt so good ... i felt so proud ... i want to be healed up for my upcoming birthday too .... dang!!! ... i had been doing so good .... *sigh* ....
brens
July 03, 2010

In reply to by wildflower

I have been hungrily reading everything on this forum, trying to get a grip and have come across so many amazing and supporting posts from you . If you fall off, get back up and keep going. Don't beat yourself up. I'm just on day 1 and already picked but I'm also looking at the many times today I didn't pick that ordinarily I would have. Tomorrow we can try to do better. progress not perfection.
wildflower
July 03, 2010

In reply to by brens

thank you so much for your support. it means a lot to me. i do intend to get up and dust myself off and get back on the wagon. a sufferer for decades, many years in denial, and having tasted success and subsequent setbacks, i truly know how insidious this disorder is, but also that with determination it can be addressed. i'm very heartened to hear the determination in your words that are so necessary for conquering this. yes indeed, we must look at the positive and not the negative and build on it. and vow to do better and better with each day, celebrating our successes. it's not easy. it requires vigilance. and good support. again, thank you for yours. let's do better tomorrow. i'm sporting 5 bandages tonight and will not let that number increase. i want to heal my skin. i want to not need them. i'm tired of them, as valuable and necessary as they are to me. it felt so good to not need them for those weeks i was healed. i slacked off and am paying the price as a reminder that vigilance pays off and is imperative. i am a pickaholic and must not allow myself to relapse again. i am strong and can do it. i've done it before. i will do it again. let's beat this! thank you, too, for your kind words for my posted topics.
whyme
June 04, 2010
CONGRATS! You are an inspiration :) ■ ~why me (whyyou? whyanyofus?)
lvndestin2007
June 04, 2010
What an accomplishment! That's amazing! I wish you the best of luck for the next 100 days. I've been a compulsive skin picker for 11 years now, and I'm officially starting my day 1 tomorrow. I hope I can make it as far as you have! :o) ~Wade
bjv
June 04, 2010
Congratulations!! That's awesome. You are an inspiration to me. Thank you.

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