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Pickerer , 06 Jun 2010

Picking spouse

I am sooo glad I found this site. My marriage is gonna break up over this.. My husband constantly fidgets and picks his scalp scabs and any thing else he finds.. I want to vomit.. He denies it.. How do I live with this. He also smells behind his ears and other private areas... He looks almost like he's in an euphoric trance when he's smelling his fingers... What can I do???? I'm desperate...
3 Answers
unaspenser
June 09, 2010
This sounds like a silly question, but have you talked to your husband about this? Sometimes my husband will point out my picking when it is noticeable to him and it kind of snaps me out of it. He may be in a dissociative state and not really realize he is doing this in front of you.
Popcorn47
August 29, 2010

In reply to by unaspenser

Another sort of obvious question is: Did he do this before you guys dated? Is this a behavior that you knew he had all along? Or is this something he recently developed?
heavymetalfan
September 01, 2010
As disgusting as it may sound, you need to support him. It's so hard to stop, just like a drug. The physical dependency on it is the same as other addictions. Even skin pickers realize how disgusting their habits are, it's so embarassing yet the need to pick feels so strong that it trumps these feelings. Let him know that from an outsider's view it is disgusting, but at the same time don't make him feel shameful. That might upset him more, and may console himself by picking more. Also, lay out the health risks of having open sores, that may be a better approach. I'm afraid that I may even have cancer (lymphoma or leukemia) due to years of picking. It came to that for me to stop; that's how bad it was. Otherwise I am a productive, sociable member of society, but the shame ate at me and felt I had to hide my disorder from the world. Make your home a safe environment and encourage him to stop. Buy him antibacterial ointment, bandaids, whatever you need to do but the bottom line should be: DON'T make him feel shameful in the process. It hopefully will save your relationship. Keep us updated, and good luck! :)

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