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rattiemamma , 04 Aug 2010

Woman, Mother, Wife, Nurse, PICKER!!!!

I have been picking as long as I can remember. I pick my nose, scabs (on: scalp, arms, stomach, legs, butt. feet, back, rarely face, and groin), and zits, and chew on/bite my nails/fingers and yes eat what ever I get. GROSS!!! I know. But I CAN'T STOP. From the time I was a young child I always remember doing these things. I think it started out just with the nose, but has expanded over the years. I am 32 years old now, I am a nurse working full time, I have been married for 14 years, and I have 2 kids. Why can't I stop picking. This is an obsession. I hate my body, I'm over weight and on top of that have all these unsightly sores and scabs that I have given myself. Why do I do this to myself. I was never physically abused as a child. While my childhood may not have been perfect, has anyone's? My life has always been average. Except for picking. I have never admitted to this my "DEEP DARK SECRET". It has never been spoken of by me or anyone who knows me. Once in our first year or two of marriage in an argument my husband said "you look like you've been in a war" don't remember what happen after that but I'v never forgot those words. He has never again came even close to mentioning it.He must know that I do this to myself. Often there are small blood stains on my side of the bed. Damn-it why do I do this. I just want to be "normal" I WISH I COULD FEEL SEXY be sexy for my husband, for myself. But how can I. I'm so ashamed.
4 Answers
August 04, 2010
I feel your pain. I feel a similar way. I pick at the pores on my breasts and it was so embarrassing for my boyfriend to see. I literally cried. I just want to feel beautiful too. I just want you to know that you're not alone, and all of us here can defeat this together. You can and will be beautiful again!! Some things I've tried are globbing vaseline over parts of my body where I normally pick. Even if I don't want to at the moment, or if I can have enough control to do it before I try. It lubricates the area and makes it harder to grab on and destroy your skin. I'm fighting with you against this!
August 04, 2010

In reply to by mpwy92

Thanks for the support. Sometimes i feel better about my skin right after i have shaved my legs. Even though i still have sores, my legs feel smoother. It seems crazy but smooth skin is sometimes what motivates me to pick . I know that I am perpetuating an endless cycle of new bumpy scabs by picking them off. Still I CAN NOT STOP doing it. I feel like I just have to get any and all bumps off my skin. When a sore is somehow able to get to the point of a smooth pink or purple scar then I leave it alone but still hate it and get really embarrassed about all my blemishes and want to hide them. I have a scar on my left breast right now its to the pink smooth stage now, It started out as an itch that I scratched into a sore that I picked for a while. My husband noticed it when it was new and in dim light told me I had a bruise. I think it only healed because I couldn't pick it when I was at work. I try never to pick at the germ filled Hospital where I work. I work long hours and can get very busy. When I work 2 or 3 days in a row then some of my sores might heal. But......I have to admit.......... I have caught myself scratching at spots on my fore arms when AT WORK. I must say becoming a nurse has helped my obsession a little.
August 04, 2010
Dose anyone have other addictive tendencies? Like sun flower seeds? Like you would rather self gratify than have your partner see your imperfections. Do you want to be sexy but can't feel that way about yourself. Do you worry when you are with your partner about what they might be thinking about you. Do you prefer the lights off? Do you ever think ( if your partner is not one of those ever ready bunnies) that its because your not desirable to them any more. Or is this just me?
August 05, 2010
I am new to this site, and I felt like I was the only one. I also pick at the pores on my breasts, causing painful and life lasting infections and scars. I look at my breasts and see hideous scars from the age of 12. I don't know why I began doing this, but I would really like to stop. The damage is done however, I'm not sure what to do about it now. I believe it will continue forever now, because I am so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. It gives me a sense of control and relieve, a habit I don't even realize I'm doing most of the time. Does anyone know if they do skin-grafting or plastic surgery to repair the look of breast skin?

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