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polarbear , 03 May 2011

My Story Please Reply!

Well my picking problem has been going on for at least 13 years. Im not sure what started it but I know ive been doing it for as long as I can remember. I was a cheerleader for out little leage teams and our uniforms were shorts and a teeshirt. I remember other teamates asking me what happend and all I remeber me saying once was "I fall a lot". I felt they wouldnt understand that I do get scrapes and cuts or rashes and then I scratch and pick and cause my scaps to get pretty big and in groupings. I find that when I pick I get in sort of a trance...I see myself doing it but Im just staring and letting my hands and nails to the work. My mom always told me she would take me to a dr. and I was terrified of what he would say when I was younger. She would tell me I could get a bad infection and get my limbs cut off, that petrified me and I would cry and wish that I would stop but found myself doing it a few hours later. I used to have scab groupings on my arms but over the past three years or so I just have them on my legs; I guess thats a plus. Im still cheering and tryouts are soon and Im small so I will be the one being put up in mounts and they have to hold my ankles which worries me for thats where the big problem is right now. People still ask whats wrong and Ive been using "Ive got a really bad rash" but Ive had this group of scabs for almost a year in the same place. I think people wonder why its still there. Summer is closing in and I dont wear shorts much mostly jeans to cover my legs. I dont cause the scabs myself just small things happen like falling or hitting my leg on the coffee table, and then I pick at them and they spread and cause more little spots and then they grow bigger and so on. Im not sure what causes me to pick but I mostly do it in my room alone. Im not sure if its because Im bored or stressed or what. Other times my scabs just itch and the urge just gets to me and I give in and scratch...which then turns to picking everything I can on my legs. I try to keep products on them everynight to heal them up. If I put bandages on them they are big square patches and that just draws more attention to them. This is a hard thing to overcome and my body has been scabless before and I was so excited then it would all happen again. My mom never understood why I do it and I guess I still dont either I went to a doctor last year and she gave me some ointment but I found that my other products work better so I havnt used the ointment more than twice. I dont like seeing my legs after I have picked knowing that Im messing up my legs and I then get scared of if someone confronts me about it and says its gross and then I feel really crappy. Sometimes I enjoy picking also I guess it calms me to some extent. Ive still got a ways to go, Im not sure if I will ever be fully away from picking but hopefully it will become manageable. This site has helped and I will deffently try some of these treatments people are saying have worked for them. Anyone else with common stories? Let God bless each one of us in our goal to reaching no more picking!
10 Answers
May 03, 2011
I understand your pain. I just posted my story as well. A little different, but similar struggles.
May 03, 2011

In reply to by ghostoverground

I just read your story, before I started looking up more information on picking I didnt think it was a common thing I thought I was just some weirdo who itched her skin. Now that there are other people out there this site and im sure many others I can talk on its comforting that we have one another to help us through our similar difficulties
May 03, 2011
I totally get it. I do ballet. My arms are always covered in scabs. If people ask I just say my cat scratched me or I'm really clumsy. It really sucks when people say it's gross or whatever. I hate when people draw attention to it. So anyway we have pretty similar stories.
May 03, 2011

In reply to by Sandbox458850

Exatly last school year one girl pointed my ankles out and about five people went ew what's wrong and I lied and said it's a rash and then I could just feel everyone still staring. Its the worst feeling.
May 04, 2011
UPDATE- Ive only picked twice today, I've found that wearing socks on my hands help me a bit I've got five days untill cheer tryouts I'm really trying hard to get them cleared up. So far it's going well(knock on wood). I have to put medicine on tonight everyday the scabs look better It's encouraging to see improvements!
May 05, 2011
Day. Two I picked today:( a few times actually kind of depressing to see my progress stop I have five days until tryouts and ive decided to keep working on not picking but for tryout get some taller socks to cover my ankles I might look a little weird but at least no one will see the scabs. I just hope no one asks about it and I'll have to tell them a lie.:(
May 08, 2011
One day left untill tryouts...looks like I'll be wearing tall socks:( total bummer just want this next week over with so I don't have to go threw(sp) the embarrassment of my ankles:( what a way for the upper classmen to see me as some gross freak who has a horrible "rash" :( I think I might cry.....just wish it would go away already!
May 09, 2011
Fist day of clinics for cheer was today I went and bought ankle supports that way it would look like I just have weak ankles instead of rashes. Only a couple people asked abOut them I know a few thought it was weird but it's better than them seeing my ankles. Tomorrow were supposed to do stunting so hopefully they don't say anything. My ankles are okay they won't be clear enough for me to not have to wear the brace for the week but hopefully by the end of July when cheer camP is my scabs will be all gone that's my new goal and I'm planning on not picking after words sence I don't need highschoolers staring at me expectually when it's my firts year on the team

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