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hottsoup123 , 12 May 2011

Tell my boyfriend? PLEASE HELP

I pick my arms and my scalp most of the day. I never feel the need to pick around my boyfriend, but lately, I've been wondering if I should tell him. He always asks me why I have scratches on my shoulders and scabs on my wrists; I normally come up with things to say. When he runs his fingers through my hair, I always pull away because I worry he'll feel the scabs on my scalp. It's horrible. I love him so much and I trust him more than anything, but I don't want this coming between us....I am just so private about my picking, and embarrassed. What do I do????!!!!
13 Answers
May 12, 2011
I know exactly how you feel. My primary area is my scalp, all my exes have always wanted to run their fingers through my hair, and my picking has always come and gone based on my anxiety level. I'm almost 22 now but my senior year of high school i had long beautiful thick hair...i was known for it. The last few months I have been under so much stress I now have little bald spots again. The only bf I have ever told my picking about is the one I'm with now,which is the longest relationship i've ever been in, and he understood and did not judge me at all. He tries to distract me when he sees my hands in my hair, and offers solutions for when my anxiety level is high. Your bf sounds like someone who really loves you and and you trust him - I think he will understand that this is a medical condition, not just something you can "just stop". If you want to show him a website where he can read about it so you don't have to talk about it, which will make it easier on you, without having to show him this one, show him the wikipedia page on "dermatillomania". If you'd like to talk more, my email address is, I'd love to talk to someone who deals mostly with scalp picking. Hope this helped a little. Best of luck.
May 23, 2011
hi hottsoup, as my name suggests my girlfriend picks her skin. She told me about one month into our relationship, after I confided a big secret in her, and at the time I didn't really realise what CSP/Dermatollimania was or how badly it effected her. I joined this forum to try and understand the disease better and maybe get some advice on how I can help her. I agree with the suggestion to tell him if you think that he's a keeper, so to speak, as if he really loves you he will do his upmost to support you. I've been with my girlfriend for around 18 months and I'm still learning how to/not to help. If you choose to tell him, my advice would be to direct him to the websites so he can educate himself properly, perhaps sparring you some potential embarassment, but you will also need to tell him how he can help you. At first I thought by "telling off" my girlfriend it would guilt her into stopping, which was stupid as it made her feel worse which made her pick more. Try to figure out what you would like him to do to help you. Finally, if there's any advice you can give me I'd be grateful
May 26, 2011
my opinion is to tell him, especially if you do not have anybody else that you fully confide in. my guess is he may have suspicions about it but is so nice that he figures you will tell him if and when you want to. as long as he knows that it is in no way because of him i think it will make the two of you stronger. observe his reactions towards other peoples' illnesses, disorders etc. that should give you a pretty good idea on how supportive/ judgemental he will be. Take care
May 27, 2011
Tell him. I haven't got better by telling my boyfriend about mine, but I feel like less of a lost cause. Part of what's so awful about it is suffering alone. It was a relief to tell someone.
July 14, 2011
KaY in a relationship now and im have the same problem except i pick my breasts wich is putting me in a difficult position idk if i should tell my bf i dont want him to have t0 find out and end up leaving me..weve been together for a year now and im thinking about taking our relationship to the next level but idk wat to do
July 15, 2011
My advice would be to tell him. I struggled for a while to hide my habit from my boyfriend. Once he realized I was so self-conscious he made me take my makeup off. It was to the point where I was crying and he told me to show 'myself' without make up on or leave because he wanted the real me. It was harsh, but it turned my life around. I told him about it and he is so supportive of me trying to stop. He tells me I'm beautiful no matter what, even if I come out of the bathroom pouting because I picked and I'm all gross and puffy. He helps keep an eye on me because I ask him to. A little 'whattcha doin?' when I'm in the bathroom too long. And I feel so much more comfortable. He's known for 3 years now and I've gotten better. I would suggest telling him. If he's a keeper, he'll understand your troubles and support you in fighting the habit.
July 16, 2011
tell him. it's probably causing more anxiety trying to keep it from him, therefore fueling the behavior. at least, this is how it was for me when i had a boyfriend.
July 16, 2011
He's your boyfriend and if he really loves you he'll understand and besides don't worry about it. just tell him because you say you trust him. right? so, it won't go between you guys. =] it'll be fine for sure. He might be surprised or like ackward but he loves you so i dont think that can ruin it. so go for it, okay. Also, he might even help you and together you guys can stop the bad habit you have.
July 17, 2011
I'm actually going through the same thing. My boyfriend has no clue that I'm a picker. I have horrible scars on my stomach, thighs, arms etc... I know it frustrates the hell out of him that I'm only intimate in absolute darkness, because I'd be mortified if he saw my scars. I want to tell him, but I don't want him to think I'm crazy, or be as disgusted with it as I am.
July 19, 2011
I know that everyone here says to tell him, but I don't know if that's always the best thing. A year ago, my boyfriend of the time practically forced it out of me. He showed up at my apartment when I was holed up basically avoiding the world because of a recent "session." After a heated argument about why I was acting so strange, I eventually ended up telling him, and he really didn't know how to respond because it was something he'd never heard of. It was never really mentioned again throughout our relationship. I regret telling him now, because it was such a difficult thing for me to do, it didn't make anything any better, and now I have an ex who knows my deepest darkest secret.

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