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ellenrocks , 09 Apr 2011

Just told my boyfriend about my problem.

Hey everyone, new to this site but I have been doing a lot of reading and research on the subject. I can't believe I'm not the only one who does this. I have had this problem since the beginning of college. It gets really bad when I am depressed, anxious, and stressed. I have pretty mild acne (was terrible in high school!) and strive to look perfect now, probably because I feel so imperfect on the inside. I used to pick and pop at my skin, just to get rid of a few blemishes but then I would just go crazy and end up with open wounds and scabs all over my face. Its like I am trying to look perfect, but then ending up looking disgusting. I would call off of work and not go anywhere because I couldn't stand to look like that in public. I know this will always be the outcome, but I can't let the blemish just sit there! Since living with my boyfriend I have stopped considerably, I only would pop what was needed on my face and pick at my boobs, until yesterday. I was so depressed and felt like I had some work to do on my face, so I did. I ended up with red welts all over and open sores. My boyfriend came home late and we slept, but in the morning i knew I had to tell him what I did. I explained Dermatillomania to him and showed him my face and told him what a problem this is for me. He was pretty shocked and concerned, but told me it was okay. I am still very depressed about this and have to hide inside until the scabs go away. I feel trapped and hate myself, but at least I know I'm not alone. After telling my boyfriend I feel like I don't have to hide the scabs, but it is a big motivation for me to never do it again.
5 Answers
April 10, 2011
hey ellenrocks. i feel like your story is exactly the same as mine. i'd been with my boyfriend for about 4 years before i finally had the nerve to tell him. like you, i felt like if i didn't say anything i would be so alone in my self-hatred and fear and horrible, scabby face that I wouldn't know what to do. like, you, my picking problem has been 'ok' at times, but even in good times, when my face was considerably normal, i would still pick, and it inevitably led me to nasty picking sessions that gave me gross open wounds and left me feeling caged up inside and hiding from the world. i really connect with what you say about your picking coming out of this need to 'strive for perfection'. i feel like my picking was a way for me to gain perfection, even though obviously i'm just wrecking my self esteem and skin even more. anyway CONGRATS on telling your boyfriend. you really need to see the big positive step in that, even though you might be suffering from a picking session now. having him on your side will really help...enlist his help! now that he knows, there's no reason to keep everything hidden. take down your mirrors, or put up motivational words...let it all hang out :) it's my personal experience that even though it feels like it at the time, telling someone by itself is not enough to actually stop you from have to get these people to help you enact strategies to help you stop...that's just how it's been for me.
April 12, 2011

In reply to by antelopes

Thanks antelopes, I definitely feel like I accomplished something big by telling him. I feel more free to show my skin without makeup, red marks and all. He tells me I am beautiful no matter how I look, which I don't exactly believe, but it helps that I don't have to hide my skin anymore. It also helps to heal my scabs faster. My skin is pretty much all healed, except that I picked one spot on my chin. I told myself not to do it, but i couldn't stop. Normally I would ask someone to work for me while I let it heal and go away, but since realizing my problem I am deciding to just deal with it and go to work. Sure, I will be self-conscious about it, but I need to stop questioning if everyone is judging me all the time. I'm sure my boyfriend will be proud that I am not cooped up at home and trying to make an effort. I will definitely enlist him to help me to not pick. If I am feeling stressed or depressed, I will ask him to comfort me. I will try the motivational words, especially on my mirror. Hopefully we can both get help from our boyfriends and lots of loving words in order to stop our picking. Thanks for the help and letting me know that I'm not the only one dealing with this!
April 19, 2011

In reply to by ellenrocks

i feel exactly the same, and my partner said he loves me no matter what. but i know i look a mess. i have red marks all over my face too, and i am extremly self consious, especially in bright lights, sometimes i just prefere to stay in then go out because i feel people are thinking what a mess my face is. x
April 18, 2011
Thank you for your story! I told my fiance 2 days ago and it was the best thing I could've ever done b/c now I have someone to support me and help me through this battle I've been struggling with for 7 years! The best of luck to you :)
April 19, 2011
I told my boyfriend last night and it was the best thing i had ever done. he actually understood me. i feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. im glad im not alone in this problem. by coming across this website. when i get down and feel useless i just pull at my skin, and helps me feel relieved i cant understand why im so addicted to doing it. i remember when i was younger i used to get alot of people looking at me and i hated it i remember feeling i wish i was ugly then no one would look at me. i always feel useless and im not good at anything. i can see now what mess ive made of my face, as it has left me with scars all over my face. i want to stop this, and get my skin better again. im seeing the dr today and finall tell him how ive been feeling hope i get some answers because i feel like im a weirdo for doing this to myself. Stacey

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