Will we ever be free of this? Im at my wits end here today!! Have just had another major relapse and am so so angry and upset about it I could drive my hand thru the wall. Face is a bloody mess again!! I have been going for counselling for my skin picking every week for the last few months. I have spent hundreds of euro! Although it has been a great support and i was doing well enough for a few weeks only going at it every 3 days or so i feel that in the last 2 weeks I am pretty much back to where i started. Its just a constant cycle isnt it? I have lost count of the number of times I have told myself no more but every time without fail i relapse. Every single tiny pore on my face has been squeezed about 700 times at this stage i would say. I dont even get spots!! Its just those impurities way underneath that i can see. i cant leave them there, they have to come out...squeeze them out and watch almost in amazment, as the gunk snails itself out from deep in my skin, the more that comes out the better and then it almost justifies moving onto the next pore. And if nothing comes out well ill make damn sure the next one will have something!
The visual and mental damage i am doing breaks my heart as i reckon otherwise i would be fairly good looking and confident. Im so tired of trying to stop and letting myself down. I have almost come to accept that i will never be entirely free of this, it will always be there. However, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has taught me that at least i can have some control over it. Im not going to set myself a 30 day challenge cos its way too long and i have never gone more than 13 days. Im inclined to say 7 but im gonna push it to 10 days. How does that sound?
For the next 10 days im going to FIGHT this so hard with every part of me. When the urge comes on im gonna kick and scream and cry if it helps to drag me away from that mirror. I will keep myself occupied in the evenings after work and i will do more exercise to help with my anxiety. I would really love if a few people could share their stories with me and join me on this 10 day challenge. The support i think will help us all. If we do manage it wouldnt it be great!!!! Its better than not trying isnt it?!! Come on join me and we'l fight this b***h together!!
ps: a few little tips that have helped me....every time you pass or look in the mirror smile and say "i am beautifull the way i am" or "the urge is a lie, i will not be fooled".