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valentine , 14 Feb 2012

Valentine: I'll be mine

Hi All. So, I've been at this for 20 years and I am ready to stop. I've been trying to amass days without picking by "counting days" but what I see now is that I have still been trying to assert willpower over a chronic medical condition and, like an addict trying to quit drugs or alcohol, I have a much better chance of making it if I *don't* try to do it alone. So I'm posting here to not go it alone. And Day One will be tomorrow, Valentine's day. I hope. So tonight's goal is to make it to slumber tomorrow without picking. Like many of you I've gone days, weeks, even months without picking over the years but like a virus that never leaves the body, it always returns. I'm in a new relationship now and though I've been upfront and open about the issue, I've thus far managed to hide most of the damage because we are apart for weeks at a time due to work commitments so I do a ton of damage, then wait for it to heal which is usually timed to our visits. Then, after we've been together nonstop for a week or two, the picking starts again and mainly along the bikini/wax line. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired over this problem and so I ask for as much support as you're able to offer. I'd love to track other people's progress too! And I guess I want to be ready for the inevitable slips along the way. Anyway, thanks for reading. And thanks for already "getting it".
62 Answers
valentine
August 01, 2012
Day five no picking... Feels good to say that. Still, I look at my face and all I can see are the imperfections in tone.. Or that my eyes look too small or that, etc etc. I know that people tell me I'm a very attractive woman but the word "hideous" is usually what comes to mind and I think that this lingering self hatred--plus the desire to "fix" any perceived flaw that can be picked or prodded--will keep me in a lifelong cycle of picking if I don't really address its cause.
valentine
August 03, 2012
Up with insomnia so I can post what I forgot to post last night: Day six, no picking. I want to get microretinA to use very sparingly on the part of my bikini line that's healing so I won't get ingrowns under the thicker skin but overall Im super pleased with the results of keeping hands off my precious skin! I think the fact that I'm reading a new novel that I really like is helping to keep me occupied in the evenings as well .
valentine
August 05, 2012
More insomnia. But day seven had some picking. Messed with a couple not-yet-above-the- surface hairs on my bikini line. Maybe three before I stopped myself. Upset at the stumble but pleased that it didn't go further. And get why it happened.. Was experiencing stress at having a subletter in my apt for a few weeks and worked from home on Friday. Working from home is Always a high-risk proposition for me, picking-wise. Anyway, day eight, Saturday, no picking. And here's to keeping up that trend!
valentine
August 06, 2012
Day nine, no picking. Just two weeks til my boyfriend and I are together again--and two weeks before we're at the beach for two weeks--so I need to keep my awareness up. My goal is to get a Brazillian on the Friday before so that means 12 days and counting. Who wants to count days with me?
valentine
August 08, 2012
Day nine, no picking. Feel like its way easier to get out of bathroom now that I have a subletter...but hey, I'll take all the help I can get. I guess whatever degree I was bummed out about having to have a roomate again for a little while, the less-picking side effect helps to ameliorate those feelings a bit, so that's good. Still, I know that when I know she's gone for a few hours will still be a danger zone to watch out for. Like, sometimes I pick more when my private time is limited down. So we 'll see. But for now, I'm just happy for another pick free day!
valentine
August 08, 2012
Whoops, that last post should have said Day 11, no picking. So far only picked one day out of 11 and even then, just a few hairs! Yippee! I think it's getting a little easier!
valentine
August 09, 2012
Day 12, no picking. I just don't feel I'm being tested as usual with my subletter here but she'll be gone this weekend so we'll soon see how I do on my own. Fingers crossed that I don't relapse!
valentine
August 10, 2012
Day 13 no picking! And subletter is gone for weekend so I could have picked tonight if I needed privacy... Maybe this is getting slightly easier? I definitely think that everyone's posts are keeping me going as logging onto this site is the first thing I do when getting ready for bed these days! I'd love to know if anyone else is having luck and if so, how theyre interrupting the picking ritual.
valentine
August 10, 2012
Day 13.5, picked after last post. Clearly I had spoken too soon. Still, 2/13 is a good score for me so far and I believe I can take this momentum all the way to next Friday, the day I want to have a waxing on skin that is 100% pickmark/scab free! (Only broke skin one place tonight so that's really just one spot that has to heal in time and I think it's still enough days for that to happen.)
valentine
August 13, 2012
Day 14 & 15: no picking! Definitely coming into home stretch with my waxing set for Friday and seeing my boyfriend--two weeks at the beach--Sunday. Feel like I can stay strong through this week as long as I remember to log in here after finishing all washing up for the night.. Meaning no extra trips "just to look" after applying all my night cream (Klaron to prevent pimples and a hydroquinine to fade sun spots). Fingers crossed!
valentine
August 14, 2012
Day 16, No picking. Subletter has returned so I have less privacy again but feel like this week might be an easy one if I know I have a wax appt on Friday. Doesn't mean I don't still fantasize about going at it though! I mean, it's hard to find anything as satisfying as freeing an ingrown hair. Isn't this disorder bizarrre??
valentine
August 15, 2012
Day 17, no picking. I think the spirnilactone (sp?) I take is really paying off as I don't seem to get pimples anymore. Still, I know that next week, in the days following my wax, I'll have to be extra super vigilant since that's like my favorite time to go after tiny little beginnings of hairs. Seriously, I will go straight to the pharmacy and buy a new, cheap pair of tweezers in such states. Now, though, I'm counting on this forum to help keep me strong. To remind me why the immediate, fleeting thrill I get from purging my pores Just Isn't Worth It for all the damage it causes--which it does cause. I know every time I say I'll just pick at one follicle I always end up going to town on a whole area and make a mess and feel awful, etc. Ok. Hope everyone's fighting the good fight tonight!
valentine
August 16, 2012
Day 18 no picking. Going strong but feel like it almost doesn't count because I'm obviously super self aware because I have a subletter til the end of next month and so can't be in the bathroom for hours at a time and I also think Im just in one of those low-risk phases that I get into sometimes. Still, building up so many days--and posting about it--feels good and makes me wonder if maybe I'm not "building muscle" that will help me during the next high-risk period. Does that make sense?
valentine
August 18, 2012
Day 19 no picking. Except I did examine my skin for a long time in the mirror, obsessing about my sun spots and one or two areas that, if you came nose to nose with me, you might detect some very minimal scarring. It's so slight that the average human wouldn't notice but because I see my skin as if looking through a magnifying glass, I both see it and fret over it. Plus I'm going to be at the beach for ten days (!) and so am starting to worry about getting too much sun. My goodness-- even when I don't pick, I am thinking about my skin constantly!

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