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wildflower , 16 Mar 2010

The bottom line is ........... and a solution is possible.

We have a problem. With each of us it might differ as to where or what we pick, scratch, rip or pluck or whatever self defeating, self harming, injurious behaviour that we employ. We each have deep seated reasons for what we do, be it any one of a number of experiences from an abusive upbringing, abusive relationships, traumatic experiences, stressful environments, stressful times, or any such negative, life-sucking, history we’ve endured. We have turned to hurting ourselves to cope and deal with all that. Perhaps even so that we don’t turn to harming others! Who knows? But that doesn’t make it right. It’s not the healthy choice. It’s not the intelligent choice. And as intelligent people we must realize that no one else, no doctor, no therapist, no dermatologist, no psychologist, or no hypnotist can make us change our behaviours. Only we can. It’s great that this place offers a place to share the extent of our behaviours. It’s great that this place offers a wealth of information about our disorder. It’s great that we can encourage each other here. But what we must realize is, it is our own responsibility to READ the wealth of information here and to CHOOSE A COURSE OF ACTION, not just ask for help expecting it to come from an external source. The information is here. Sure, share your experiences, share what might have caused it, but from the information offered, choose what you CAN and WILL do for yourself and COMMIT to doing it. That is what it is going to take. However long it has been going on in your life, it has gone on too long. The fact that you have come here investigating your self inflicted harmful behaviours is indication that it is time to MAKE CHANGE. Again, CHOOSE some of the solutions others have had success with and SHARE your course of action publicly here and COMMIT to it. That’s the kind of self help group this can be for each of us. Alcoholics have AA. Gamblers have GA, addicts have NA, and so on. The success of those groups is the commitment to them and the accountability encouraged. We have this place and must make choices for OURSELVES and not expect others to make choices for us. We must commit to stick with whatever program of choice we choose for ourselves. Our successes will be our own. And we can be each others’ cheer leaders. Let’s not let our pasts define us. Let’s let our present efforts make us healthier individuals. Let’s tackle our problems head on and stop the self harming behaviours and do this regardless of the hardships that life is dealing us with. We don’t need to make things worse for ourselves. Life will always have stresses and there will always be things to be anxious about but we can CHOOSE how to treat ourselves and treat ourselves right. When our problems lie with others, especially dependants such as children, we must remember not to do more harm. We must help them with their issues and the underlying causes. We must provide encouragement, not blame or shame. We must be compassionate, concerned. We must assist however possible with providing an environment conducive for healing. We must seek help and support when we feel overwhelmed, not take it out on them. Again, we have a problem and need to be working lovingly toward a solution. Read, research, choose a course of action, share, commit, and support. That’s what it will ultimately take. IT IS POSSIBLE !
26 Answers
ocdFreak
March 16, 2010
This is very true. Only WE can stop ourselves, because no external source can really do the work FOR us. Sites like this one are our own versions of 'skin pickers anonymous' and so we need to take advantage of it the same way alcoholics use AA. That's a really good point. Today is the 16th, so i have been trying to fight the urges for 10 days. And honestly, its hard!! When i get stressed i want to take it all out on my hands, especially now that the skin looks better and so it would be a lot more gratifying to pick off. I just can't look at my hands anymore. I wash them and put on lotion and try to leave them alone. I have noticed that the lotion actually does work as long as i don't pick...that's pretty obvious lol but still. the redness is slowly but surely turning into a more peachy color - and i am happy about that!!!! pretty soon people won't have to 'wonder what happened' to my hands anymore, since my hands will look just like theirs in...i'm gonna say 10 more days (they'll have to look better by then if i don't touch them, and saying 30 more days is still kind of scary and intimidating...).
wildflower
March 16, 2010

In reply to by ocdFreak

it's great news that you've made it 10 days !!! congratulations !! yes, the 40 day thing is scary and intimidating. it is for me too, to think i'm only about half way through makes me shudder. just take it one day at a time. you can do it. you're proving it. be proud. :)
ocdFreak
March 16, 2010

In reply to by wildflower

I still think its amazing having someone tell me words like this about a habit i've been so secretive about for such a long time! To know that i'm not in this alone is literally what has gotten me this far. I had tried to stop so many times on my own and was unsuccessful until I really started to think that it just wasn't possible. I thought I would've grown out of it by the age of 20, but things didn't work out that way. I'm past that - but am somehow making it work now..If i am healed after this, this will have been possibly the best birthday present I will have ever given myself. Oh and another motivation to continue is the fact that i started day 1 on my birthday - that is such a perfect day to start that i really wouldn't want to mess that up lol
wildflower
June 01, 2010

In reply to by ocdFreak

how have you been doing? it's helpful to know you're not alone and freeing when it comes out of the closet. it's the beginning of getting on top of it. i hope your hands are doing better and you've given yourself that wonderful birthday present. ♥
wildflower
March 18, 2010

In reply to by ocdFreak

i'm so glad to hear you believe this too. and yes indeed, this forum can be our skin pickers anonymous. spa? it's fabulous that you are now on day 11 and are seeing the benefits and improvements ! keep up the great work. each and every day is worth a celebration because it is an effort that isn't easy. it takes perseverance and commitment.
wildflower
March 20, 2010
are you willing to challenge the compulsiveness of this disorder and commit to a plan to beat it? if not, it will be with you for many more years. it is not going to go away on its own.
wildflower
March 24, 2010

In reply to by wildflower

i truly hope that you are here because you have had enough of the pain and embarrassment of dermatillomania and realize the health risk you are putting yourself in. i personally have suffered for many too many years and do not wish that upon you. tomorrow, i will celebrate having not picked or scratched my skin for 4 WEEKS !! it is possible to beat this disorder. i wish you the strength, will power, determination, and effort to do what you must do to conquer it as well. <3 <3
wildflower
March 27, 2010

In reply to by wildflower

http://www.skinpick.com/stop-picking-my-skin -- is a link i only recently found on this site. it has loads of information. i sincerely hope all the information inspires you to embark on a committed path to healthier skin.
Mel
March 31, 2010

In reply to by wildflower

My face is dry and I feel like I will finally be out of the red/swollen zone. I cannot wait to say I have gone 1 day without picking then 5, and then 7 and so on. Congrats to you on being so strong.
wildflower
March 31, 2010

In reply to by Mel

thank you. and you can be strong too and make it through a string of days. believe me when i say "if i can do it anyone can" having been a picker for many more years than you've likely been alive! lol if your skin has healed over now, moisturize with a soothing moisturizer. i have sensitive skin and so many didn't agree with me. now i use vitamin e oil morning and night and my skin is comfortable. the slight oilyness i feel when my fingers wander to it reminds me to massage, not scratch or pick and i tell myself it's better than finding scabs. if you find that you keep picking semi-subconsciously, put bandages on anything that is tempting, even healed over spots if necessary. do anything to make progress. oops, you didn't ask for advice. sorry if i overstepped and offended. do know i wish you much success and believe you can do it. :)
wildflower
March 30, 2010
so far, this is working for me!! it is DAY 35 of no picking for me!! that's 5 weeks !! and it feels great. :) i just purchased some raw honey, they say that raw is what has the benefits, and am wearing a honey facial as i type this. the honey was a tad bit more expensive but i figure i only used about a teaspoon of it. i took a semi-heaping teaspoon out of the jar. it was semi-solid so i gave it 10 seconds in a little bowl in the microwave and so it was also nice and warm when brought to a more runny spreadable state. and there's enough left for another treatment so that's why i say it takes only a teaspoon per facial since the original scoop must have been equal to 2. i intend to give myself more facials of different kinds now in my effort to be loving to my skin. mashed bananas is next !! :)
moonowl
April 01, 2010
Great thread, Wildflower. I also agree with the other poster that it really did take me realizing that I can't just make myself quit by wishing it hard enough...I need help and I need to focus on it more. I plan to look at the advice on the site that you mentioned here and see what I can learn from it. Just out of curiosity, once you've made it as many days as you have, do you find that the obsessiveness with picking continues to build the entire time, or does it stay about the same as it is when you're forcing yourself not to do it and have made it a couple of hours? Do you still have times when you're not thinking about it, even briefly, when it's been that long? Thanks!
wildflower
April 01, 2010

In reply to by moonowl

in the beginning of probably any quitting process, the urges are the strongest and they ease up over time. after a week, i found them to be significantly lessened but even in subsequent weeks there were occasional strong urges. but all in all, even though my fingers still explore and examine my skin, i'm finding that they're fine with just doing that and perhaps just massaging the skin rather than picking at it. and with itches, i reverse-scratch lightly. that is, i flick my fingertips up, rather than scratch down and do that only lightly so as not to catch a nail on anything. i've found it very ironic that healing sores itch. lol now, after 36 days, the urges are very few and the itching is much less. i do sit on my hands a lot still while i watch tv and the like just to be sure to touch less. with my healed skin i am pampering my face with facials. yesterday i did one with raw honey, and today i did one with mashed avocado. my face was never healed enough for me to feel comfortable to even consider putting anything other than medicine or (lol makeup) on it. tomorrow i'll put one on that is of avocado, honey and lemon! it might be overkill but it's interesting. most days i just moisturize with vitamin e morning and night. i've not even been wearing any makeup! mind you, i've not gone out anywhere important either. lol my husband is very proud of me, by the way! :)
wildflower
April 04, 2010
lip biting, cuticle chewing, skin picking, hair pulling, cheek biting, whatever the compulsive behaviour, it is critical to seek how to stop it now rather than endure it for years and years. you are not alone, there is a lot of information here in the topics, elsewhere in the menus, and on other sites. i hope you don't just want to read about each others' compulsions, but that you are at the point to make the personal effort to change bad habits into good ones.
wildflower
April 05, 2010
if anyone thinks what i've said above is wise enough to keep near the beginning of the forum for new visitors to see, please post an opinion on it now and again as i have kept doing to keep it alive. i obviously think it is as the info in it has been working for me, but i think i'll leave it up to other viewers of this forum to keep it alive as i can't guarantee how frequent i'll be here as i am also keeping a journal of my progress on another site that has that feature. it's the stop picking on me site. do stop and say hello if you visit there and let me know how you're doing if you wish. i will keep checking in here now and again too, tho. i just don't know how often. all the best to everyone in their quest to address your skin issues. <3 <3 <3
wildflower
April 14, 2010
it really doesn't matter what self harming behaviour it is, the key to stopping it lies in making a decision to stop it and combining a serious effort with all the tools possible to make it happen ...
randomshelly
April 10, 2010
Thanks wildflower, this really has helped. I've started making a list of positive thoughts and techniques to stop that other people have suggested. I'm determined to stay positive and not let it affect me as much as it has in the past. This forum has done wonders for my confidence already! x
wildflower
April 10, 2010

In reply to by randomshelly

there are lots of informative topics here. i hope you find an abundance of techniques to use and the inspiration to put yourself on a committed path to beat this compulsion. with that and determination and a positive attitude anything is possible. i wish you much success !! <3
wildflower
April 27, 2010
i hope this information helps anyone that is truly wanting to stop the cycle ... the self harming that keeps repeating itself so insidiously ... and so ironically ... and i do believe it is possible ... not easy ... but possible with determination ...
timeforchange
April 18, 2010
wildflower, your posts are extremely helpful, especially the one about products to aviod because I have senstitive, easily irritable skin and most of my skin and hair products have at least one of your listed ingredients but...why do you have so much time on your hands... One of the million reasons I pick is from stress because of time shortage....it must be nice to have so much time.

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