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valentine , 14 Feb 2012

Valentine: I'll be mine

Hi All. So, I've been at this for 20 years and I am ready to stop. I've been trying to amass days without picking by "counting days" but what I see now is that I have still been trying to assert willpower over a chronic medical condition and, like an addict trying to quit drugs or alcohol, I have a much better chance of making it if I *don't* try to do it alone. So I'm posting here to not go it alone. And Day One will be tomorrow, Valentine's day. I hope. So tonight's goal is to make it to slumber tomorrow without picking. Like many of you I've gone days, weeks, even months without picking over the years but like a virus that never leaves the body, it always returns. I'm in a new relationship now and though I've been upfront and open about the issue, I've thus far managed to hide most of the damage because we are apart for weeks at a time due to work commitments so I do a ton of damage, then wait for it to heal which is usually timed to our visits. Then, after we've been together nonstop for a week or two, the picking starts again and mainly along the bikini/wax line. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired over this problem and so I ask for as much support as you're able to offer. I'd love to track other people's progress too! And I guess I want to be ready for the inevitable slips along the way. Anyway, thanks for reading. And thanks for already "getting it".
62 Answers
valentine
August 19, 2012
Forgot to post last night. Day 20, picked one bump on my upper arm but did no real damage so feeling good. I see though that the impulse is still raging , it's just that there's nothing to pick at right now. For anyone still getting pimples, I urge you to go to a dermatologist and get a prescription for Spirnolactone. It's as good as anything I've ever tried and I really don't get even the stray pimple anymore!
valentine
August 19, 2012
Day 21, picked--with a safety pin (not safe to have in house. Normally throw any and all out but saw one that slipped past me in the junk drawer)--at several ingrown bikini area hairs. The good news though is that I used such a slight touch that you really can't tell. I know it's a slip but I feel happy that when I was picking, a loud voice in my head was yelling "watch out! This is the danger zone! Get in and out as quickly as possible and NO deep picking! If the tip of the hair won't come up with the tiniest of touches, you MUST leave it alone!". Again, I know it's not as good as abstaining but given that I had a safety pin (threw it out now), knew my subletter was gone for the afternoon, and that I just had a wax, I think I handled things way better than as recently as a month ago! So repeated appreciations to everyone on this site! Your stories and honesty are really helping me to stay head-above-water on this issue! More tomorrow...x
wantalife39
August 19, 2012

In reply to by valentine

Oh yes the dreaded pins!!!! Once I even tried to use the back of an earing to hack!! Unbelievable!! good on you for being aware of your triggers. Just think of us when your doing it..we are watching you you know!! :) XXXXXXXXXX
valentine
August 26, 2012
Day 22 to 27: no picking. On vacation at the beach. No real privacy but still am proud. Also, was my big 4-0 yesterday so it's nice to be free from an obsessive cycle on a big birthday. Fingers crossed that it lasts past next Saturday when my boyfriend goes back to England! (Though I visit him a week after that so I have lots of incentive to not pick). Hope everyone else is fighting the good fight!
soembarrassed
August 26, 2012

In reply to by valentine

Day 10 for me girl. I am hanging in there. The urge is really strong but so far i am fighting it. I have been slowly using less makeup. I only have one healed spot that is still a little red but i am trying not to let it get me down. I am using retin a on it at night and glycolic acid during thr day in hope that it will soon fade. I am very happy you are doing so good. Happy belalated birthday!!!
valentine
September 05, 2012

In reply to by soembarrassed

Day 10 on the 26h, good for you! Using less makeup is a big step for lots of reasons and way healthier for your skin to boot so glad to hear you're making strides. Know that I'm out here thinking of you and wishing you all the power in the world to fight this thing! We can do it together!!
valentine
September 05, 2012
Day 28 (27th of Aug) to 35 (3rd of Sep). Ok. Back from vacation but I see what happens when I fail to post nightly: I pick! Yep, picked on Day 33 and 34, right after boyfriend left. Frustrated but feel like I caught each session before it got too bad (bikini area, what else?!), and I feel like I've confined the "slip" to those days. Still: it makes me angry. Why is this disorder so insidious?? Anyway, I see my boyfriend on his home turf Sunday for a week so working to heal the spots I created and will do my best to be back here regularly. Hope you're all fighting the good fight tonight!
valentine
September 06, 2012
Day 36 & 37: No picking. And looking back over the days since this has started I see only about 6 slips in 37 days so I'm feeling happy though there's certainly room for improvement. It's almost like I've been too busy to pick so maybe busy is a good way to be!
valentine
September 07, 2012
Argh. Make that 7 slips in 38 days. Like the others, at least this was pretty minimal: maybe four or five hairs (bikini area) but still! I simply forget what a danger zone it is for me, the time between getting in from the end of the work day and getting into bed for the night. And I was on the phone, zoning out, so my brain's anti-picking messages weren't really activated. Well, that's another one to learn from. (Also my nails need clipping so that didn't help. MUST NOT LET NAILS GET LONG! It is just deathly for my habit-breaking crusade! Anyway: hope the rest of you are well tonight.
valentine
September 07, 2012

In reply to by Emmi

Thanks for the encouraging words, Emmi. It felt sort of rotten to backslide last night but trying to keep my mind and my hands off the area til I fly out to see the boyfriend again on Sunday. I figured out too that work stress has really been getting to me so am exercising today to see about relieving some of that negative energy in a more constructive way.
Emmi
September 09, 2012

In reply to by valentine

Apologies for the delayed reply, You are Very welcome. I know how it feels to back slide, my skin has been fully healed for a about 4 months now, I have myself taken a step backwards, my Grandfather who I was extremely close to passed away recently and I am not dealing with that very well at all, I started to exersize to help relieve stress and negative energy, unfortunately I pushed myself to hard and have ended up with shinsplints, which for the past 2 weeks have had me inactive in a sense, I can still walk (thankfully) as far as exersizing tho, I'm out till they heal, as well as a really horrible hair cut :( which has caused me to stress and pick at spots on my face :( I know that I can stop again, and I know that I wont pick them badly, it just shows that the picking can be stopped and it is ok to relapse every now and again, sometimes life gets really hard, and it may be the only thing that you have that can relieve stress. Its not a good thing to do, but right now its all I have. You will get there, Keep up the exersizing but don't push yourself to hard. Trust me, the last thing you want is shin splints. Haha :)
valentine
September 28, 2012

In reply to by Emmi

Emmi, my apologies for the vastly delayed reply. I was abroad, and haven't been on the site for some three (!) weeks. My sincere condolences about your grandfather. I know that loss is hard and takes a toll on us in lots of ways...including the picking. Are the shin splints any better and if not, can you take long leisurely walks after the workday or in lieu of going straight home to pick? I hope you're hanging in there and taking your own (great) advice about not getting down when you do pick because stopping--as we've both seen--is possible and backslides more or less just part of the healing trajectory. Repeated apologies for the long silence but please do reach out and let me know how things are coming along. By me: I'm happy to say I've been pick free. This said, I know that it is still a daily fight so I will be back here more regularly again for sure. Ok, more soon, xValentine.
Emmi
October 01, 2012

In reply to by valentine

Valentine, Thank you for your reply, I hope your trip was enjoyable, Since I posted my last reply My shin splins have completly healed and Im back into training again, Still dealing with the emotional side of losing my grandfather but I am doing ALOT better, My face is starting to heal and I have recently started a new healthy eating program to help me Lose weight and tone for summer, (I live in Australia, so Summer is coming up in December) and in the past 7 days I have already lost 2 kilos :D With is really great for me :) The picking has been reduced once again and staying off the sugar and processed foods has really helped in more ways then 1. Its helping my skin heal better and getting my energy levels up as well as clearing my foggy head :) Its fantastic and I am taking my own advice which is working better then last time :) Thank you for your response. I hope things are still going great for your self :) xx
valentine
September 08, 2012
8 slips in 39 days. Squeezed a few pores near nose tonight. A particularly appealing patch of enlarged pores that remains the one place on my face that I sometimes pick. Did no damage--touched v. lightly, put Klaron on right afterward--but its a good reminder of how close backsliding can become. In better news, kept hands off the bikini area and it looks to be almost healed. Just two days til I see my bf again so that makes me happy. Think maybe I am anxious though about packing and getting work done etc etc. Did exercise today but not sure it took the whole edge off. Well, there's always tomorrow!
valentine
October 10, 2012
It's been a month since my last post on this thread but I'm happy to say that the month has been pick free. Seriously. Tonight, however, I picked at four pores--3 on my face and 1 on my bikini line. The damage is super light but I feel shaken that I allowed the slip. I'll have to do some thinking about what was going through my mind just before.. I have a lot of extra work stress right now.. And it's been three weeks since I was with my beaux and its another three to go before we're together again.. So I'm feeling less daily love and more stress so I guess this might be a period I'll have to be extra vigilant during.. Anyway, wanted to share what was up. Hope everyone's fighting the good fight tonight.
valentine
October 10, 2012
Feeling crappy about last nights slip but trying to remind myself that a whole month pick free is still a sizeable accomplishment.

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