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new day girl , 30 Apr 2012

One day at a time. Feel free to join in!

I feel incredibly thankful to have found this website. I don't know about all you but I have lived most of my life thinking that I was the only one who had this problem and because of that I have so much shame associated with my picking habit. I've been struggling with this for about 16 years. I've tried to conquer the skin picking at least a hundred times (literally) and failed usually within a week. I've come to realize that I can't do this on my own. It's become a cycle of trying so hard to stop, caving into my anxiety and habit and then feeling ashamed and hopeless. Yesterday at church the message was titled "The Me I Want to Be" and we focused on things in our life that hold us back. Habits, destructive behavior, ect. Our pastor asked these questions for us to internally process: Am I keeping my struggles to myself? Am I isolating myself from others? When are the times when I am most likely to fall? Do I have defined boundaries in the area of my weakness? Are there things that I need to remove from my life today? As I pondered these questions I felt this battle rising up within me. I know I can't fix this compulsive disorder on my own but I'm not ready to give up. The first step I'm taking is to realize I can't do this on my own. I'm praying to the One who created me. I'm recognizing that He knows me better than I know myself. The second step is to share this someone/anyone and I figured this forum is the perfect place to be open and honest. I plan on posting daily as to my progress in taking steps to find freedom from the skin picking. Feel free to join me! After trying just about everything on my own and failing, I believe I need to find counseling. That is something else I'll be working toward. I want to be as real and open as I possibly can in these posts. I hope you can find encouragement and hope. Oh yeah, and here's just a little about me. I'm a 28 year old mother of a 3 year old and we're expecting a little boy in October. We live in Oklahoma.
89 Answers
skreed29
April 30, 2012
im in ! i have not picked in 10 days and intend to keep it up.
new day girl
April 30, 2012
Okay, so it's Day 1. I need to set some boundaries and goals. Yours probably look different than mine and I think we all just have to find what works for us. I'm sure I'll be tweaking my plan of action often until I find a good balance. Goals / Boundaries -start my day with prayer and reading something encouraging. -I'm allowing myself to pick at two spots on my skin each morning. (30 seconds at the most) Not sure how successful this will be. I just know that in the past when I try to quit picking completely cold turkey, I go crazy after a few days when new blemishes come up and I can't do anything. Then I give up all together. So I'll see how this goes. I'm hoping I'll be able to pick at only two zits that are bothering me and then have enough self control to stop at that. That's the hardest part! Does anyone have any advice on an exfoliating face wash that really works to clear blackheads? -After that, I'm going to try to put on some makeup, just foundation, on my face simply because I tend to not pick when I've already put my makeup on. The problem with this is that I'm a stay at home mom and I don't necessarily NEED to get ready and leave the house everyday. Staying at home all day is really making this skin picking habit so much worse because I'm constantly faced with what I call "the battle at the mirror" because I'm always home and constantly tempted to pick. (I swear all my posts won't be this long : ) ) -I'm also removing all mirrors except for the one in my bathroom of course, a girl's gotta at least do a quick check in the mirror before leaving the house lol! I'm just removing the bright lighting in the bathroom. I plan on plucking my eyebrows in my car mirror, right before I leave, where it's really difficult to pick at my face but bright enough to see my eyebrows clearly. Any guys reading this are probably laughing right now. Any advice or tips on avoiding the temptation to pick at home would be helpful! Okay, so Day 1 is half over and feeling hopeful that I can do this if I stay focused!
skreed29
May 01, 2012

In reply to by new day girl

when im at home alone and know i wont be going anywhere i have my boyfriend take the lights from the bathroom. i always to him about how i wish we had a 'forcefield' around the mirror that wouldnt let me get close enough to pick. still trying to think of what kind of thing could do that, you know, something completely see through that forms a dome type thing around the mirror. a lot of times when im having a bad day, and being really anxious about my face, i do my nails (distraction), let them dry (because you cant mess with your face while your nails are drying! even though it has failed to stop me before), and pick off the polish (destructive compulsion fulfilled ! ). good luck, and don't worry, i doubt anyones laughing. we are all in the same boat here.
new day girl
May 01, 2012
Day 1 went well. I expected it to....it is the days that follow that will be tough. Just picked at one spot on my arm and that was it. Staying busy and away from mirrors!
skreed29
May 01, 2012
so i broke down and picked last night........ it was really dissapointing and i cried a lot. 10 days is a long way to go and i messed it up. but today is a new day, and i believe that when something like this has got you down, you can't dwell on it. you've gotta move on and do all you can to stay optimistic. i guess this would be day one for me, and im going cold turkey. if i pick at one spot on an arm or leg in a few days, i will let myself off with a warning. but any picking in the mirror and it's back to day one for me. im trimming my nails as short as i possibly can before i go get in the shower. wish me luck !
new day girl
May 01, 2012

In reply to by skreed29

I feel your pain. Been there done that like a million times. Seriously, it feels like a million times! 10 days IS a long time and you've gotta focus on that. Yesterday I read this on someone else's personal commitment challenge: "Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat" -F. Scott Fitzgerald. I know I'll be failing some in this journey but I guess if I can pick myself back up the next day, or even next hour, I'm still winning! So Happy New Day to ya.
skreed29
May 02, 2012
my day one went very well. i had a good day, didn't feel as ugly as usual, and not a single spot picked ! no facial itchiness or pain but i am having really annoying looking breakouts on my chin and forehead ): i hope i can deal with it. my boyfriend has 3 days off of work after today so hopefully that means he will be keeping me distracted from my face. i have been trying to think about my positive attributes, rather than my scabby face that disgusts me so much, haha. i think staying positive is a really key thing to beating this compulsion. when i can laugh and smile through it, it feels like i heal twice as fast.
new day girl
May 02, 2012
Day 2. I did pretty well, stuck to my routine in the morning. Limited myself to picking at two spots in the morning although about twice through the day my hand wandered to my face or back and I scratched off something before I even had a chance to think about it. My hands just habitually scan my skin for anything, it's like I have alien hand syndrome. To be honest I feel like a freak when I talk about my picking in this kind of detail. It seems like such a random thing to have as a compulsion. Maybe it would be easier for me to face up to it if I was addicted to eating or not eating or cutting or something. Yet the truth is that it IS a big problem in my life and it holds me hostage, my secret that almost no one knows I struggle with. I want to be transparent and real and, well, this is me. Yesterday I was reading and came across the scripture talking about God giving "beauty for ashes." He seems to be in the business of creating beautiful things out of brokenness. No one is too far lost or broken. I believe my OCD is the ugliest and most shameful thing about me, although I'm sure He doesn't see it that way. I pray that he would create beauty from my ashes.
Pepper8801
May 04, 2012

In reply to by new day girl

I do the same thing with the Alien hand. I can be doing anything and the next thing I know I have picked a scab. I am so glad that I am not the only one. Thank you for sharing your story. It is nice to know that someone else goes through the same things.
new day girl
May 03, 2012
Day 3, it's getting harder to not pick. When I've tried to quit in the past, it's usually around this time or in a few days that I start to go crazy. I start feeling like my skin is screaming at me for a picking session where I literally pick at every single pore. So I need to find a good cleanser and exfoliating wash ASAP. I have to keep my hands away from my face, arms and back because every little bump makes me want to pick all the more. If I can get through in the next few days, I'll be making some pretty big strides. Anyone been to a dermatologist that suggested a certain acne treatment for blackheads? If I had the money, I'd go to a spa and have extractions done every other week. Just too expensive for me.
skreed29
May 03, 2012

In reply to by new day girl

when i get reeeeeeeeeeaaallly realllly anxious about the way my face feels, i exfoliate with salt. its very harsh and course and leaves my face all red for a while, but the feeling is so cleansing and i think that's what im after when i pick. good luck ! i really hope you can keep it up
skreed29
May 03, 2012
day 2. success ! im excited because usually, when i have made it so long with no picking(10 days), when i finally do break down and pick its daily, or every other daily for a while. i have only picked 1 day out of 13 which makes me so proud (: i know i am closer to healing than i have been in a very long time. i really really hope i can keep this up. posting my progress on here is helpful, because if i dont pick i can brag about it, haha.
new day girl
May 03, 2012

In reply to by skreed29

Way to go! I feel the same way. Once I break down and pick one day, I throw in the towel and continue to pick everyday for at least a month. Posting my progress daily is also helping me so much. I don't feel alone and I'm way more motivated because I know I have to share even if I totally mess up!
new day girl
May 03, 2012
In case anyone is interested....I researched a bit and found a few skin care treatments that are for breakouts and blackheads. They are pH balanced and so they're not too harsh and won't make your skin produce even more oil. The first one is Neutrogena - oil-free acne stress control hydrating acne treatment. Affordable (around $6)! The second one is Paula's Choice - 1%-2% beta hydroxy acid gel. I just ordered the last one online (2%) because of the great reviews. On the website, there's a sale section and they're actually selling it (in the old stye bottle) for half price. And I have a coupon code that you can apply BDAY245765 for an additional 10% off. So I bought two bottles and somehow qualified for free shipping. Total was $17.06, not too shabby!

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